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ToyTorture’s Stocking Stuffer III – Willie Wanka PRO MK II

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The Willie Wanka PRO MK II with the Control Box and Power Unit

For those who have been following this blog for quite some time might ask: Hasn’t there already been a fuck machine as a stocking stuffer a few years ago? Yes, in 2018 I recommended the Shockspot 12’’ as – looking at the fact sheet – best fuck machine of the world.

Three years later I have not yet had the chance to get and review a fuck machine so I refer all of the actually many reader questions in that regard to the 2018 blog entry. In most cases I get as follow up question: Cool device but the price is a bit steep. So I asked around among my industry contacts who make Vac-U-Lock toys which machine they use to test their toys. Turns out most use the Willie Wanka Pro MK II.

The Strole Angle can be adjusted

The most important number to look at is the stroke length: At maximum 8’’this machine goes 2’’ deeper than most other commercial available fuck machines. While this does not sound a lot, 5cm can mean the world, especially when playing with textured or knotted anal toys. Despite the longer way the machine can still achieves up to 180 strokes per minute. Of course, it uses “just” a rotary motor (like almost every other fuck machine on the planet) and thus has all the short comings of this system like uneven thrust. But for £299 at SexMachines.co.uk the Willie Wanka PRO MK II is a very attractive package when you are in the market for a fuck machine.

Fetters Portable Bondage Board

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The Fetters Portable Bondage Board

Vendor: Regulation

Construction

The product name of this piece of bondage equipment is pretty descriptive: It is a bondage board that can be folded in the middle.

First, let’s look at its bottom. Two wide and sturdy hinges keep both sides aligned with each other even during heavy play and fold together smoothly. In order not to damage the precious hardwood floor in Fidelio-passworded play mansions four thick rubber bumpers are stapled onto the cloth-lined bottom (if you are too young for this reference, watch “Eyes Wide Shut”). On each side of the top there is a powerful neodymium magnet keeping both sides securely together when folded. In order to carry the board around comfortably, a piece of nylon strap is mounted on the middle of each side. On one side a nice stainless steel Fetters badge is screwed between the two ends of the carrying loop. Folded together the board is 53.5cm tall, 60cm wide and about 10cm deep. Unfolded you naturally get a bondage surface of 60x107cm.

The D-rings Folded Up

The body of the board is made out of sturdy wood boards padded with thick firm yet comfortable foam. The play surface on the top is either lined with leather or a material called Rubluxe which is a rubberized fabric that is both oil- and waterproof. For fettering D-rings with an inner width of 39mm, inner height of 32mm and almost absurd wire strength of 6mm are used. They are mounted to the board putting each below a wide and thick piece of bridle leather which is hold in place with four screws. There are six D-rings on each side and one at each end. So in total there are a whopping 14 bondage points around the board.

Due to all this heavy duty materials and workmanship the board weighs 10kg.

The Footprint of the Folded Bondage Board

Playing with the Portable Bondage Board

Most subs I have introduced to this piece of bondage equipment where initially skeptical. Could such relatively compact piece of gear work as a secure basis for bondage? The torsional stiffness of the hinges, the thick and sturdy boards and massive D-rings which are massively mounted onto the board in combination with a tight fettering allow for little wiggle room. So despite being portable and relatively light, it is a good, secure piece of bondage furniture! These are good news especially for those who travel a lot or have to store away their play gear below a bed or in a wardrobe once the session is over. One of my testees bought his one especially for play parties and cons. He likes to play public but wants a piece of furniture of his own when the provided play furniture is occupied or when there is only little space, for example on the side lines of a mosh.

Most people will probably only use the Portable Bondage Board folded open. But even folded together and using only one side, it is a nifty piece of play furniture. Due to the smaller footprint, it easily fits in the corner of a room and thus works perfectly as a slave parking spot. Despite resting on padding, there is little rocking or movement so a sub can safely stand on it, his ankles and maybe even balls being tied to the D-rings. But the area of just half a board is even large enough for a sub to kneel down onto. This way you can of course tie the ankles, thighs and wrists to the boards for an even more intense bondage scenario.

The Fetters Badge and Left the Small yet Powerful Neodymium Magnet

Of course the board shines the most when lying down. It is long enough to cover the torso and the thighs of most subs (up to about 1.90m body height) so it covers most joints and limbs. There are countless different positions you can tie your sub to it: From lying and sitting over kneeling to standing, from comfortable long term bondage over painful stress positions. There are some easy to recreate examples on Regulation’s product page. But the Portable Bondage Board encourages you to be creative and push the limits of your sub’s flexibility. I even managed to tie two subs on the same board, kneeling either back to back or facing each other. If you then introduce a flexible double ended dildo or a pair of nipple clamps, you can create very interesting and intense play on a little space.

A Jimsupport Rim placed on the Bondage Board

For the actual bondage process, you can use different means. If you don’t want to add additional restraints, you can use rope or my beloved Velcro quick restraints. The D-rings are large enough to house several ropes at the same time. Their weldseam is below the leather flap so the ropes run smoothly through the D-rings. When using cuff style leather, rubber or neoprene restraints, the D-rings are wide enough to thread a restraint’s belt directly through the D-ring. While this limits the restraint’s and thus the sub’s movement the most, in case of an emergency you would have to cut the belt itself, destroying the restraint. Of course, human health and security always goes over gear preservation. So my recommended way of attaching restraints to the bondage board is using tension straps. Inexpensive to replace if cut yet almost as effective as directly connection restraint and board.

A question I get asked in almost every reader question is “Which lining material should I choose?” For my board, I chose leather and being made by Fetters it did not disappoint: It is soft yet feels strong, the grain is subtle but noticeable and the smell is intoxicatingly good. If you “just” want to fetter someone to the board, it is a good choice! But leather is a little bit higher maintenance, does not like wetness or messy stuff. So if your bottoms leak a lot of pre-cum or you want to get piggy go for Rubluxe. And to all those fellow pigs out there: The space between the D-rings is about the clearing between the legs of a Jim Support Adjustable Rim Chair, depending on the seat height. Simply fix the legs with tensions straps to the D-rings, maybe fix your bottom to the D-rings and pig out.

Speaking of Rubluxe: The bondage board is also a great fisting base when traveling. The lining is thick enough for a bottom to go both comfortably in doggy or lying on his back. The board itself is a stable base even on soft hotel mattresses. When lying on his back, the combination of ankle restraints and tension straps anchored on the D-rings next to his head can create a travel sling-like layout without putting draft on the bottom’s neck. But for this play, the Rubluxe surface is clearly the superior one for his kind of play. Of course you can put a pad below the fistees ass when using the leather version. But as always, lube finds its way around and as soon as the bottom starts to piss you are in for an intense cleaning session.

The Hinge

Speaking off piss, the rubber bumpers on the bottom give your 7mm ground clearance.  So a Rubluxe covered bondage board can also be used to detain a urinal bottom as long as there is no standing piss which could soak the board from the bottom.

Since the board must not fold when putting pressure on the seam in the middle, it folds inwards not outwards. This means that the padded surface is always on the outside, exposed to potential damages. To protect these sides, I highly recommend ordering the canvas carrying bag for £35 along with the board, especially when you are going to travel with your board!

Conclusion: Effective and versatile yet portable piece of bondage furniture.
Pros Cons Where to get Price
Many D-rings for creative bondage and intense bondage Storage bag is a must purchase when traveling with it Regulation £245
Really sturdy yet somewhat portable
Two options for lining depending on usage scenario and fetish

ToyTorture’s Stocking Stuffer II – Fetters Headtrap

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Jesse bound in the Fetters Headtrap

Last year I have already recommended a piece of nimble and nifty bondage furniture for people who cannot or do not want to have a playroom or who travel to events often. This got so much positive feedback that today’s gift recommendation is just that. And again, the Headtrap comes from Fetters which seems to become a specialist for small footprint bondage furniture.

The Parts of the Fetters Headtrap

The Headtrap is basically a small cage without the bars on the side. There is only a piece to trap the head. The rest of the fettering is done attaching restraints to the anchor points, one in each corner. Since there are no bars, the limbs can be places outside of the frame. So with a footprint of just 45x50cm or 50×75.5cm – depending if you put the cage upside or longside – you have a effectively immobilized your sub. The Headtrap comes with a tickly padded plate so you can sit inside the bars. If you add the included locking wheels, you can even push him around. Perfect for a party setting or if you do a long-term scene and want to take your sub with you when you leave the room.

From the pictures it looks that to assemble you just need to tighten 8 screws which seems quick. On the product it says it collapses to five flat pieces so it should be easy to store and if you have a car somewhat easy to transport to your event hotel room (I have seen rim chair on hotel luggage carts at Folsom Europe so…).  Sadly there is no word on the weight. So I guess one of you will have to buy one and tell me 😉

The Fetters Headtrap costs £549 at Regulation in London.

Suspension Hand Slings

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The Mr S Suspension Hand Slings

Vendor: Mr S Leather

Construction

The body of this restraint pair is a curvated piece of bridle leather straps.  The bottom is slightly convex to follow the autonomy of the hand’s bottom; the top is protracted. While the body is made out of sturdy leather, it is padded and lined with soft garment leather. Unlike on their cuff-style restraints or the Four Buckle Hand Restraint (more on that later), the padding is rather stiff. This supports the wrist and keeps is upright yet makes the restraints comfortable to wear. For perfect and tight fit on the wrist, the restraint is tightly closed using Velcro and then secured with a roller buckle belt. Next to the buckle is a welded D-ring.

The top of the protracted tip is folded and secured with two rivets to house a tooled aluminum bar. On both end of the bar, panic carabiners with big, welded O-rings on the end connect the bar to another strap of bridle leather. This is threaded through the two O-rings. Between two rivets which hold the strap together sits another panic carabiner.

The Roller Buckle and D-ring on the back

Like all panic (or security as they are also called) carabiners they can turn to adjust a bit to the sub’s movement. There are no sharp edges to prevent damage on ropes. The release for the opening is tooled and textured for best grip even in stress situations.

Playing with the Suspension Hand Slings

When I have gotten these restraints this summer, they marked the end of era for me: For almost 10 years I have been using the Four Buckle Hand Restraints from Mr S for any kind of bondage and fettering. They were actually part of my first ever order from Mr S. But, when fettering someone on a standing position like on a St Andrews Cross, the Four Buckle Hand Restraints were not the best choice. The D-ring positioning was not perfect if you needed to hold onto something and panic carabiners were always a given in case the bottom collapsed (which luckily has never happened to me yet but happens more often than you probably think).

Connection of the Panic Carabiners with the Aluminum Bar

The Suspension Hand Slings fix all that! It is rare that a piece of (specialized) bondage gear instantly becomes part of my standard (or in this case flogging) play bag but the Suspension Hand Slings did just that. They were designed for the anchor point being above the restraint so there is no stressful horizontal pull on the wrists like when the D-ring is parallel to the arm. The layout and material choice is the perfect sweet spot between rigidity and stiffness for wrist support but not cutting of circulation and allowing enough leeway for the fingers and hand to move bit. Even when broken and getting softer in, they retain enough stiffness.

Stressful situations like being subjected to pain or being suspended can lead to circulation problems even on fit subs. Because of this, when doing suspension or just having a subs fettered standing, you should always use panic carabiners yet I rarely see them in public play spaces. Luckily, in these restraints they are built in. They look and feel like professional sailing equipment though sadly there is no kN value printed or engraved on them. In order to release them, twist the capsule 180° and even under pull they will open. The capsule is kept in place with a coil spring which is just strong enough to keep it in place but prevents the capsule from turning. Because twisting the capsule is such a satisfying feeling (yeah, I know that sometimes I am weird), I often just play around with the capsule. I have not counted how often I turned it but I have not noticed the spring getting any softer or the capsule developing any give.

The Velcro Fastener next the Padded and Garment Leather Lined Inside of the Restraint

Speaking of carabiners: Despite the rigid fettering, due to the twisting carabiners, there is a bit movement possible for the sub to work out sensations. This is important because swift, uncontrolled movements caused by pain could otherwise lead to injuries when the wrist is constrained by the cuff. Especially when whipping someone, I have subs doing pull-ups in these restraints because the bars provide such good support. So when doing extreme pain play I highly recommend also to put the ankles in bondage.

While this toy is called Suspension Hand Sling a word of caution is in order: Suspending someone solely vertically from their wrist, puts extreme stress on the joints, especially the wrists and the shoulders. There are some very well trained subs with extreme upper body muscles who can endure this stress position for a limited time. But neither your sub not you should over-estimate what he can do. So when doing suspension, check-in more often as usual.

The Panic Carabiners

I have also gotten a few reader questions about horizontal suspension with these restraints. In theory it works when the bottom is lying on his back. But you have to thread a tension strap or rope through the D-ring on the body to the major pull of the arm weight is caught there. But still what little pull is left, will make the tip bend upwards causing stress on the wrists. So for horizontal suspension I recommend the Four Buckle restraints.

If in a scene the need for another wrist restraint arises and you have these restraints in your play bag you can detach the part with the carabiners from the bar completely and use what is left as a standard restraint cuff. But since the restraint cannot be turned on the wrist, the D-ring always stays on the bottom of the hand which is a bit unpractical.

Conclusion: Best and most secure restraint for fettering hands above the hand.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Secure and save to use even in extreme bondage situations One trick pony Mr S Leather $239.95
Professional panic carabiners
Extremely well made and thought out

ToyTorture’s Stocking Stuffer I – Survey of the Cosmos Anal Toys

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Survey of the Cosmos Fornacis

It’s the first Sunday of Advent in Germany which is the start of the pre-Christmas season. In many German households there is a wreath with four candles and each Sunday you light one more. And at ToyTorture.com it is time for some Christmas gift tips.

The last weeks here were all about anal toys (and will again once the new year begins). And since I am biased in my toy selection to items my testees and I can fit, a common question I am getting asked is: “Cool toys! But what if I want it BIGGER?”

Survey of the Cosmos Cassini

There are few manufacturers which make really big toys. Survey of the Cosmos is one of them. Or dare I say the one who makes the biggest? At almost 17cm diameter for the largest toy, I have not yet found bigger toys. And rightly so because at this size you are close to the physical maximum the human orifices can stretch. But many of the toys are not for pure stretch. They feature deep texture for added stimulation. Focusing on maximum stretch, the toys are all relatively short and almost all plug style, meaning they feature a neck to rest on after the maximum stretch. Being specialized in hole-busting toys, the firmness range is on the softer side end at Shore 00-30 or Shore 00-50.

Survey of the Cosmos Trappist

All the toys are hand-male in Texas. Unlike other silicone toy manufacturer you do not have many configuration options for your toy. While especially the larger toys are made to order for the coloration you chose from limited edition run of patterns and. The colors and patterns are beautiful and elaborate and have an artistic quality. So the Etsy store is a bit like an art gallery.

The prices start at $83 for still “mass market”-sized toys at 72mm diameter and end around $480 for GIGANTIC yet beautiful toys.

GeometriX

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Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone
Colors: Whatever you can imagine
Firmness: From Soft  to Very Firm
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in warm water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

The Organotoy Large GeometriX

Vendor: Organotoy

Construction

The name of the GeometriX originates in its most striking design feature: While almost all other anal toys have round, flowing lines, the GeometriX is a combination of geometrically segmented flat surfaces and edges. This design idea is superimposed on a human dildo and you get this unique toy. It starts out with a massive pointy glans. After significant glans drip leads to slightly tapering shaft which is “textured” by lateral ridges and a “ventral” groove. The bottom and base are two big testicles which guarantee a secure stand.

The Balls and „Ventral“ Groove of the GeometriX

When shipping anal toys internationally, their custom declaration is often “Silicone sculpture”. This is more than true for the GeometriX which is a real design object. The toy gives me a distinct pop-art vibe. Because of this I chose the glow in the dark blue and magenta marble – complementary colors to really make it pop! But being made by Organotoy you can get every color and pattern you want up to even highest quality custom airbrush designs.

Firmness-wise the range of customization options is also very wide. It starts at very soft and squishy Shore 00-30 and ends at almost metal-like Shore A30. Since GeometriX is a bit head-heavy every firmness softer than A5 is too soft for the toy to stand up.

A final customization option is adding a vac-u-lock hole to the base for 10€. This way you can attach the GeometriX to a fuck machine or make it more nimble with a vac-u-lock handle. Though due to the handy balls, this is not necessary. Simply put your thumb into the vac-u-lock hole, grab the balls with the rest of your fingers and you can comfortably and vigorously fuck the bottom lying in the sling in front of you.

GeometriX Jagged Glans

Playing with GeometriX

I often say that a toy is not for beginners because the texture makes it hard to smoothly slide through the sphincter and gradually open it up. This applies for the GeometriX very much. Despite the “pointy” glans the flat surfaces and ridges can easily jam in skin folds. So to easily take this toy, you really have to be loose.

On the other hand, the GeometriX is a toy so subtle play. It does not really feature texture like deep ridges, grooves or bumps. You need to focus a bit to feel the many edges stimulating the nerve endings by twisting and turning. Since except the glans all texture runs lateral it needs this movement to unleash the full potential.  With a bit of training you can target the prostate with the deep and steep glans drop but for males it not a good solo toy. It needs someone sitting in front of you to plow your hole with it.

If you have this person, the GeometriX is an interesting, unique toy. The subtle stimulation will makes the anus tense up and thus increase the friction, causing more tenseness and thus again higher stimulation levels. Add to that a glans that not easily goes in and out and you have a devious toy for mid to end scene hole torment. This is not toy like the GeometriX on the market and its stimulation is really unique. Even well lubed, the turning feels like a stutter inside your anus. It is like nothing I have felt before. You really have to engage with it but if you are a texture junkie who likes rougher play and are open for something new and never felt before, give GeometriX a chance!

GeometriX Bottom with Vac-U-Lock Hole

So much for the anus and especially prostate owners. Like all my toys I have given the GeometriX so a couple of front hole owners – and they were thrilled! Yes, again it needs practice to take this toy. But due to the location of the access point they could easily fuck themselves with GeometriX while twisting and turning it. Deep thrusts lead to “cervix stimulation never felt before, somewhere between ‘Please, stop NOW!’ and ‘Please, never stop!’” by the jagged glans. My front hole play experience is very limited to a few sessions with FtM friends so I take my testees’ word that if you vagina, front hole, bussy or whatever you like to call your non-penile sex organ, GeometriX is also for this orifice a uniquely stimulating toy.

Where to buy?

Like all Organotoy products the GeometriX is sold exclusively at their website. Other the high degree of customization would not be possible. The price start at for a simple single color Small one at 35.96€ and the Large starts at 86.96€. Naturally depending on your color, firmness and accessory

Mordax

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Form: Anthro Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone
Colors: Red & Charcoal Marble and Blue
Firmness: Soft
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

The Topped Toys Mordax

Vendor: Regulation/ Mr S

Construction

Mordax starts out with a dullish realistic glans that peaks out from a foreskin-like cover.  The shaft is textured with scale-like bulges that come together in a clapboard-like cluster in the back. The bulges drops are quite steeply and range from 2.5mm depth at the top up to 7mm in the middle. Two big realistic balls form the base which gives the toy a secure stand even when riding it hard. Speaking of fucking, at the bottom there is a 10mm hole with threading for attaching Mordax to a fuck machine. The small diameter allows to attach even the small 13mm threaded attachment system some companies use yet the silicone is soft enough for pushing a standard 22mm Vac-u-Lock adapter inside – with some force. The same force is needed to pull the toy off again which cased the silicone around the hole to tear a bit. I have use the adapter only a few times so I have no idea how the situation in the long run. If it should get worse, I will tweet about it.

As all toys from Topped Toys, the Mordax is made out of Shore 00-34 firm platinum silicone. This material is 100% body safe, hypo allergenic toy with a super-smooth surface for easy cleaning and insertion. Slight drawback is that silicone lube must not be used with silicone toys because the silicone oil in it will destroy the material in the long run. You can choose between two colors: Blue or for a little premium a nice marble of red & charcoal that even has a little, very subtle glitter in it.

Size Diameter Head Diameter Above Base Insertable Length
90 53mm 74mm 254mm
105 56mm 84mm 280mm
115 68mm 93mm 305mm

Mordax‘ Deep Scales

Playing with the Mordax

Topped Toys started out making toys for people who want to train their hole and quickly became popular with beginners. So I often get messages of the Mordax or Erebus is a toy to start out with getting into texture. To be frank, the Mordax is definitively not for beginners! The dullish glans requires a loose hole to slip in. If you can barely take the glans, the rest of the toy will not be much fun because even with much lube the scales will feel painful. My rule of thumb is, if you can comfortably take a Gape Keeper one size larger than the Mordax you chose, you will enjoy this toy.

The densely packed, deep, thick yet soft scales are perfect to stimulate the many nerve endings inside the anus. The texture is so dense that there is now low intensity which gets more and more intense the quicker it goes in and out. Since the material is very bendy and soft, there is not much prostate stimulation, especially on the 90, until you reach the bottom of the shaft. To get so far down Mordax has to go deep. Due to the soft material and the scales, it is very bendy so it will find its way inside your rectum. But: The dull glans need to open up the second sphincter. Once inside your colon, the scales start to stimulate this very sensitive body area – hard!

Mordax‘ dullish glans

Because of this, I recommend getting to know Mordax on your own, learn about alls his kinks and prepare yourself for the intense surprises it has in store. This way you do not surprisingly tense up when it hits a sensitive spot. But once you have reached this point, laying relaxed in the sling and getting vigorously fucked but Mordax is pure bliss!

Where to buy?

Both Mr S and Regulation sell the Mordax only in 105 and 115 for prices between $144.95 to £239 depending on the size and color.

Long Long Neck & Sigmund

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Toy Properties

Form: Depth Toys
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors: Graphite &Bronze, Sigmund also in Black
Firmness: Soft & Sigmund also in Firm
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: SquarePeg

When I tweeted about the arrival of new SquarePeg toys in September, the most messages I have gotten were about the Long Long Neck! So naturally I start with the depth toys in the review order 😉

The SquarePeg Long Long Neck & Sigmund

 

 

 

 

Construction

The Long Long Neck – like his name twin – starts out with a almost hand with all fingers-pushed together-like head. This tip is 130mm long and being oval measure 58x62mm in the largest dimensions. The head than smoothly tapers to the oval body which over a whopping 480mm increases from 42x48mm to a rectangular 76x76mm! This means the overall insertable length is 610mm! At the bottom is a thin base which at 96x96mm is not much bigger than the maximum dimension.

Sigmund’s Few yet Thick Veins

The Sigmund is what I would call “a functional” dildo.  It starts out with a stylized anatomic correct glans which measures 52x58mm. On top of the glans the steepish drop is 7mm while at the bottom the glans smoothly flows into the body.  The body below the glans measures 48x58mm. It is textured with very few yet high veins! Over the course of 230mm the body becomes round with a diameter of 61mm so the insertable length is 300mm. Sigmund has a wide base for a secure stand.

SquarePeg only makes toys out of US made platinum silicone. This means the toys’ surface is super smooth which makes it hard for bacteria to linger and easy to clean. All toys are 100% body-safe and hypo-allergenic. These advantages come with a small disadvantage: You must not use silicone toys with silicone lube because in the long term it will destroy the toy. SquarePeg claims on their website that their toys are safe to use with quality silicone lube but I would err at the side of caution and only use it with water- or oil-based lubes.

Long Long Neck’s Head

Colorwise both toys are available in Bronze and Graphite, SquarePeg’s shades for their famous SuperSoft silicone. The Sigmund is also available in Black which stands for “firm” in the SquarePeg world.

Playing with the Long Long Neck & Sigmund

At a first glance, the Long Long Neck looks a bit intimidating and hard to handle. But frankly, I was surprised how well the Long Long Neck handles in the playroom. This is due to the head which sits on a dildo-thick body. So unlike the Slink the Long Long Neck will not flop around if gripped properly and the tip does not bend when being pushed against a something resisting (this will become important later!).

Speaking o the Slink: The Long Long Neck is for DEEP Play. It dwarfs the Slink XL which I have and is almost neck on neck with the Slink XXL! But the Long Long Neck is the better toy when you want to play deep. The Slink has the problem that the often tip bends when it reaches a tight spot and thus blocks the way. The almost hand-link head doesn’t do this but can “force” its way and even out kinks ahead of it. Of course this requires more careful play! When you cannot go further or feel pain, stop! Since both the head and the body are oval and thus have an orientation, pulling back a bit and pushing further with slow, controlled twists can sometimes even out the path. Bur your colon is a very delicate area so play with this toy extra carefully! This also accounts for when pulling it out. While the Slink only gets smaller the further you pull it out, with the Long Long Neck there is always the thicker head coming. So especially when you have irritated the colon to much, it’s tensing up and you are in deep, remember that the head needs to pass potentially now tighter intestinal loop.

Left a Slink XL, right the Long Long Neck

There are two challenges with Long Long Neck’s length. First, the human colon is about a 1.5m long. So in theory it should not reach the small intestine. But every human is different and if you bring bacteria from the colon to the small intestine! So be extra careful when going really deep and if you feel a pain like you had when you trained your second sphincter to open up, stop immediately! Second, despite having written that is it easier to handle than a Slink, it is still a very long toy! When playing deep alone, I usually squat down because in this position your colon is most relaxed and you can best control the speed and somewhat the way the toy goes in. At 610mm this is not possible. So I pop in the head in doggy position and squat further and further as it slides in deeper. This makes the toys harder to control but is the only feasible way I have found.

While the Long Long Neck is a toy for really experience depth player, the Sigmund is for people who want to get started going deeper. The biggest challenge with depth play is that the sphincter which marks the transition between the rectum and colon is very sensitive. Unlike the anus it is not desensitized through external physical stimulation. Everything pressing more or less forcefully against it causes it to tense up and is very painful. Because of this a toy to train this area is needed. Most dildos have a too dull glans and/ or are not bendy enough to reach the Sigmoid (that is where Sigmund’s name comes from). What you want it a point glans on a flexible shaft, both of this has Sigmund.

Sigmund’s Glans

The glans’ tip is small and nimble so it can anchor itself in the second sphincter. Once this is done, carefully proceed and stretch it softly. Like the Long Long Neck both its’ glans and shaft have a direction. So if you cannot go deeper, pulling back and twisting a bit can help to press on. Twisting will also stimulate your anus. It has less veins than the Leo or less texture than the Mel but the few, very high veins are enough for a horny stimulation. Even more so if you get it in firm. But this option I would only recommend for already depth-experienced players who already have pushed past their second sphincter. In firm, the body does not bend much and instead of gently opening up the Sigmund it will rape it open. This is too much for this delicate body area!

As I have written the Sigmoid needs to be desensitized before you can enjoy depth play. Sadly this means, the training will not go without some discomfort during the process. This is why I recommend depth training alone. Alone you are in command how much depth and force you apply and which discomfort still feels good without being a sign of an imminent injury! There is sadly no guideline how much pain is still acceptable. Especially when starting out, be careful and take it slowly. Get to know this new region of your body through the toy and do not rush it. When for the first time Sigmund’s glans pops through the second sphincter and it closes behind it, it will almost feel like your first fist and you will want it out. This is a normal reaction. But once you have reached this mile stone, in the next session you can carefully go a bit deeper.

Long Long Neck’s Base

Before I have gotten Sigmund, I always recommended the Thick Worm for starting depth training. While an insertable length of 350mm means you can go deeper it is also a bit harder to control and with the smaller head the desensitizing especially for bigger toys less effective. And since you do not want to go too deep when starting out, I would not actually recommend the Sigmund over the Thick Worm when starting out. Even though the Thick Worm remains my favorite depth toy.

 Where to buy?

Both toys can be directly purchased at SquarePeg’s website. This gives you the advantage of their Shop@Home program where you can look at their toys in your home and then decide if you want to keep them. The Sigmund costs $149, the Long Long Neck $299.

Lampwick Uncut, Cyclops & Beowulf

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Toy Properties

Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s Toys

Construction

It is surprising with toys from Mr Hankey’s: As soon as I post about the new toys on Twitter, I immediately get messages about the color combination! So let’s get this out of the way first: The Lampwick Uncut has a black core with lime green highlights. Since the black shines through the thin layer of line, you get this awesome cooper rust color. The Cyclops has the colors reversed with a lime green core and black highlights. Finally, the Beowolf has a yellow core and red highlights. These colors are an extra for $29.95. The look so bright because Mr Hankey only uses platinum silicone for their toys, a material that takes on color easily and which does not fade over time.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Beowulf, Cyclops & Lampwick Uncut

Beside being perfect for (multi)colored toys, platinum silicone is 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and are easy to clean. I usually put my toys in hot water with dish soap and sanitize them afterwards for good measure. This is a quick and easy way to get the toys clean and sterile again between partners at a play party. But you can also throw them in the dishwasher or autoclave them. In order to keep the surface in this condition, never use silicone based or hybrid lube with silicone toys because they will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys.

The Glans of the Lampwick Uncut

The toys from Mr Hankey’s Toys come in two firmness degrees. The firmer is called “Medium” which is about the firmness of a fully hard penis. If you enjoy texture like me, this is the one to pick, especially on veiny dildos like the Lampwick. The softer variety is called “75%”. 75% is popular with longer toys because they bend more easily around the bends in your colon. However, the softer the toy, the easier they collapse and the harder they are to ride. In the end it comes down to personal taste if you prefer your toys to force your sphincter open or to pop through. Mr Hankey’s offer custom firmnesses for $15.95 but I have never tried that. I would only recommend this if you have a large collection of anal toys already and can imagine how a toy will feel in a certain firmness! Because the larger the toy, the firmer it will feel! So be careful not to over- or in rare cases undershoot.

The Vac-U-Lock Hole on the Beowulf

An add on I always recommend is the Vac-U-Lock hole for just $4.95. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one.

The first dildo of this trio I am going to look it is the Lampwick Uncut. As the name already hints, it is a realistic dildo. It starts out with a dullish, foreskin covered glans. The foreskin forms a little crinkled seam on top of the glans, so I guess Mr. Lampwick has a little phimosis. Since the foreskin smoothes everything out, the drop around the glans rim is a bit softer than on the original model. The shaft features a few thick veins and a significant ventral groove before ending in two massive, realistic balls. But following the smoother-than-the-original theme, the shaft is less textured than the Lampwick.

Cyclop’s Ripled Body

Cyclops’ name is also a bit telling because the toy starts out with a sphere that could be identified as an eyeball. Especially when looking at the pupil like molding in the top. Below the sphere is a long shaft textued with bulges which again has a vein texture on top. The base like on other fantasy depth toys is a thick and sturdy disc.

The Beowolf is a complex toy. The point glans has a big, bulgey glans rim. The shaft is lightly textured with a small patch of shallow ridges on top and a few veins and a massive ventral groove on the bottom. The lower half of the shaft is a four-bulge knot before the dildo ends in a anthropomorphic base.

Toy Name Size Diameter Glans Diameter Shaft/ Knot Insertable Length
Lampwick Uncut Small/Medium 51mm 54mm 229mm
Large 63mm 67mm 280mm
XXL 77mm 80mm 330mm
XXXXL 90mm 93mm 386mm
Cyclops One Size 65mm 57mm 318mm
Beowulf Small 34mm 65mm 229mm
Medium 40mm 73mm 260mm
Large 44mm 85mm 292mm
XL 53mm 97mm 330mm

Lampwick’s Big Balls as its Base

Playing with the Lampwick Uncut, Cyclops & Beowulf

The Lampwick Uncut for some time was the most requested anal toy review because the original Lampwick is such a popular dildo! This was due to the combination of heavily texture shaft, deep glans drop and very attractive sizing for both beginners and anal sluts. The Lampwick Uncut is a different yet related game. First of all: It is bigger! The Uncut’s smallest size is almost as big as the original’s Medium. This means it also goes deeper. A whopping 6cm deeper than the longest original! This growth is compensated with a bit “tamer” features. The glans despite being dullish tapers more to it opens up the sphincter more easily. There is not bit, abrupt glans rim drop but a smoothish transition to the shaft. The shaft still has a few veins and a massive ventral groove but not as prominent as the original. So all in all, it is the easier toy to ride and twist inside the hole. It will still stimulate the anus and the prostate a bit but not nearly as much as the Original. This makes the Lampwick Uncut a good intermediate’s training toy. Even the smallest version is still big and long! But it’s smoother curves help opening up the first and second sphincter. Since the Lampwick Uncut has fewer deep texture, it is actually a toy I would recommend in getting in 75% firmness if you want to train your depth.

Cyclops on the other hand I would always recommend in Medium. Mine is Medium and it can barely stand up. But the ripples which texture its shaft makes it bendy, allowing to reach all the spots deep inside the colon. In 75% it would be very limb and hard to ride!

Cyclop’s Tip

Unlike the Lampwick Uncut it is not a toy for untrained fistees, especially when you want to go deep! The sphere on top is not made for gradually opening up the second hole! Especially not with the texture of the pupil. Even when your second sphincter is trained and pre-stretch, the pop of the eyeball is intense and made some of my testees shriek – out of surprise and ecstasy. But once inside the Cyclops quietly makes his way deep into your colon while the ripples and veins of the shaft massage both holes. This is pure bliss! The thick base makes Cyclops very rideable so you can enjoy the sphincter massage on your own. But it is best enjoyed relaxing in a sling, completely focusing on the texture making your sphincters open up and close again. If you can take a lot, advice your top to twist and turn the toy for the veins to laterally stimulate you and make you scream in all the best ways.

Beowulf’s Glans

Again, last but not least, the Beowulf is a special case. It is a surprisingly good training toy that can grow with you, especially in medium and large size. The pointy glans is good for opening up the anus and the prominent glans rim can with a bit of training stimulate both anus and prostate. The upper half of the shaft gradually bulges so is kind of good for width training (though never as good as a dedicated plug).

Beowulf’s Knot

Once you reach the knot, you have come to a pivotal point. Knotting this toy takes depth experience! I highly recommend pre-stretching depth with a dedicated toy! Because the pointy, bulgy glans penetrating the second sphincter is an intense experience on its own. But then there is the knotting of the bulgy knot! Yes, a testee who was very experienced with width, used the Beowulf to train depth. But that is a very singular experience. If you want to go deep, you better be prepared for a mind-blowing experience. Since the glans is already so rugged and the knot has four bulges, the Beowulf’s intensity can be increased when turned inside the hole. But that is most definitively not for the faint of heart or inexperienced when an intense stimulation can lead to a tensing up!

But in the end, all things considered, the Beowulf is one of my favorite toys for knotting while going deep!

Lampwick’s Uncut Slightly Textyured Body

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis (if you register for their newsletter they have an individual birthday promotion for example) so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. Depending on the size and features, the Lampwick Uncut starts at $134.95, the Cyclops at $129.95 and the Beowulf at $119.95. Custom colors costs $29.95, custom firmness $15.95.

Oxballs Pig-Hole Deep-2

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Toy Properties

Form: Tunnel Plug
Material: Silicone
Colors: Black, Red and Blue
Firmness: Black & Red­ Medium, Blue Soft
Lube: Water and Oil based. Silicone or hybrid lube can destroy the toy!
Cleaning: Soaking in boiling water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Expose to boiling water to kill germs
Storage: Store standing up in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damaging the toys.

Vendor: Regulation

Construction

The Oxballs Pig-Hole is one of the most widely used anal toys in the kink scene. The Deep-2 is a special, extra long version of it.

The Oxballs Pig-Hole Deep

In the lower half the design is almost like on his shorter brother: An oval base surrounds a 40x60mm hoping hole. The base is wide so it does not get accidently sucked into the rectum. An about 40mm and thus almost twice as long neck as on the standard Pig-Hole raise out of the base. Above it sits a barrel shaped body which on the inside is reinforced by grooves so it does not collapse that easily. The body measures 71x85mm on the outside (if you have a technique to measure the inside dimensions, hit me up) so size-wise the Deep-2 sits between the Pig-Hole XL and XXL (or 4 and 5 if you go by the embossed numbers). The biggest difference between the standard and the Deep Pig-Hole is above the body. Out of it raises a tube. Since its top is slanted it is 55mm high on the short and 70mm on the tall side.

Like on all Pig-Holes there is a little relievo with the product name and the size number rising from the base’s rim – just in case you are wondering which size your greedy hole just swallowed.

There is a smaller version out there called the Deep-1 which is about 17% smaller in every dimension and thus too small to fist through for example. I would only recommend buying it when you rectum is too small to fit the Deep-2’s long tube. Otherwise, buy the toys for the hole you want not the hole you have, while respecting your body’s limits, especially depth-wise.

Playing with the Pig-Hole Deep-2

Most important thing first: The Pig-Hole Deep is made for loose holes. Really loose holes! If your hole cannot swallow the tube and the body with ease, you will not have much fun with this toy. While the  standard Pig-Hole can be folded to be pushed through the sphincter, the long tube and the barrel cannot be folded when lubed up. So it either goes in as it is or it doesn’t.

Still with me? Then you are a greedy ass pig and this toy is a good addition to your toy collection! Both the opening and the body are a bit smaller than on the Pig-Hole XXL. Yet a determined fister with maximum medium sized hands can fist through the neck, placing the fist inside the body. Once there, the fun really starts. When he starts to move his wrist and fingers, the end of the tube will stimulate the sensitive mucosa of the rectum. Fisting into the Deep-2 is easier with the blue colored Morph Silicone version which is about 10% softer than the red and black silicone. While this does not sound much, it is a lot! Yet it requires an even looser hole to be inserted.

In really rare cases, the anus and the second sphincter align that the tip pushes through it, sending the bottom into ecstasy.  In this case, the Pig-Hole Deep is a great gateway into the colon, making depth play with toys considerably easier. But this is a unicorn situation just two lucky testee tops each had once.  Another unicorn situation is finding a top with small hands and arms who can push trough all the way – if you have a large enough rectum. A friend of mine has XS hands and managed to do this with his partner. Every movement of his arm and wrist was transferred onto the toy, stimulating anus, prostate and rectum at the same time.

But enough for these borderline and once-in-a-million cases. Even if your top has large hands, the Pig-Hole Deep has much to offer. Twisting the tunnel plug will stimulate the rectum because the slanted top moves over the mucosa. For even stronger stimulation and added pressure on the prostate you can stuff it with other toys; my choice is a SquarePeg Medium Acorn or XL Egg. These toys are perfect for transmitting vibrations. Simply press a massager of your choice – I would recommend a Doxy – and watch your bottom squirm. In theory you can place the massager’s head into the Pig-Hole Deep’s body but I would only recommend that if you have a masochistic sub, a soundproof playroom and your bottom is securely fettered inside the sling (including some form of waist restraints!). The direct stimulation is VERY intense and lead to quick safewording – or hands-free orgasms. It was definitively not my cup of tea but everybody is different.

Where to buy?

You can buy the Pig-Hole Deep-1 for £59.99 and the Deep-2 for £79.99 both at Regulation.