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Preserving the Burning Fire – On Outgrowing and Passing on Toys

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S&M stands for sexual magic

– Patrick Califia

Passing on toys and gear has a long tradition in the BDSM and fetish community. One of the reasons for that is the concept of energy transfer during a scene. What happens during play is more than just the exchange of mental or physical force between the top and the sub. An intense connection between them is formed that consists out of more than the sum of its parts (If you are curious about this more spiritual aspect of BDSM I recommend the works of Marc Thompson or Joeff Mains). For some people this connection is the origin of headspace, for some the sole reason they engage in BDSM and certainly an intense, overwhelming and mind-shattering experience when you experience it for the first time.

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The concept of energy exchange also includes that some of the energy of the players stays in their gear and toys. For that reason some pieces of gear or toys are special and dear to perverts and not easily parted with. Most often floggers, boots or bar vests are considered to be special in that way. In my case three pairs of McHurt restraints are that way. They were among the first things I reviewed for this website and liked them a lot. It feels, they have been with me forever. But when I looked up the order date for writing this article I was stunned: I had only bought them in early December 2011. Not even half a decade felt like a life time. This illustrates really well what they mean to me. All the fun, experiments, surprising experiences and intense emotions are somewhat bound to them. Yet as I matured as a kinkster I outgrew them. While I still stand to my 3 ½ year old review and consider them a good pair of restraints to start out with I want more: More padding, more D-rings, more build quality, more features. So I choose the Fetters Padded Locking Wrist and Ankle Cuffs from Regulation to replace them.

This evaluation process happened with some toys over the last year. I looked at them and realized I haven’t been using them in a long time; saw no real play scenario for them anymore so I sold them to friends, to strangers, to anybody interested. These restraints were different. They not only represent for me the scenes I had in them but also my getting serious about BDSM: Committing to my longings, considerably investing money in this part of myself and somehow giving my desires a physical representation. Yet despite all these arguments I decided to pass them on. As soon as I would get the new ones the old ones would become an exhibition piece. Laying in my toy chest, reminding me of good times and fond memories. But like an instrument not being played anymore, they would be a dead accumulation of matter, slowly fading away, losing all the energy stored in them. So giving them away just by chance was no option! They are too special for me to see them disappear out of my life. Ultimately I decided to give them to a young pervert who is slowly exploring his desires, being just like me 4 ½ years ago willing to commit to his dreams and turn them into reality. So these special pieces will continue to live on in the BDSM scene until he outgrows them and hopefully then passes them on to someone special just like I did.

As important as these restraints are to me I am lucky that I am not parting completely from them: The set I ordered back then also included a pair of boot restraints, large enough to even fetter MX boots. A toy I have not seen elsewhere yet and thus I am keeping it: For memory sake, for current play, for future times when this mythical and mind-blowing bond between top and sub manifests again.

Hail thee who play

– Michael McClure

Sinvention Padded Muzzle

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The Sinvention Padded Muzzle in Classic Black

The Sinvention Padded Muzzle in Classic Black

Since I started this Heavy Bondage Special many weeks ago the toy I was asked most if I could write a review about was a muzzle. I am sadly not running a kinky market research agency so I can only guess why muzzles are so intriguing to many kinksters. The popularity of pup play and the feeling of having both jaws pressed together are probably important factors. Sadly I don’t own a muzzle yet so I did some research in my network.

The Sinvention Padded Muzzle in Medical Beige with White Lining

The Sinvention Padded Muzzle in Medical Beige with White Lining

One of the muzzles named most often is the padded one from Sinvention. The padding makes it comfortable enough for long term wear while the locking buckles create an inescapable bondage sensation. I have talked to people who own one and have a really large respective small heads and Sinvention’s claim seems to be true that it is really a one size fits all without compromising the fettering effect. The muzzle comes in two color schemes: Classic black and in the medical style with beige and white. From a practical (and honestly personal preference) point of view I would recommend the black one because I would fear that the white lining doesn’t maintain its clean look for too long. Regardless of the leather color this muzzle costs CAD$250 which is a good price for a high quality piece of bondage gear. I can’t wait to get my hands on this toy and take an in-depth look at it.

Mr S Bondage Suit

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Mr S Bondage Suit

Mr S Bondage Suit

After last week’s desiderate of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket I got some messages if I knew a piece of bondage equipment that offered an even stronger bondage sensation but wasn’t a sleepsack. That was a bit of a challenge I was happy to overcome.

I first saw the Mr S Bondage Suit on my trip to San Francisco in 2013. Just looking at it caused me a bit to panic out of claustrophobia. It is a massive suit made out of high quality fine grain hide that weights nearly 10kg. Yet with lacing possibilities all over the suit the bondage sensation can quite finely be adjusted: From a compact feeling to not being able to even bend. For a quicker tying down there are belts that can be easily adjusted. Once laced into that beast there are countless d-rings attached to the suit so the sub can be tied into a bondage frame or to himself in a stress bondage position. A nifty feature is that the pants and jacket can be separated so if you don’t want to have the entire experience you can still either have a bondagy looking pair of leather pants or a straitjacket. Despite the thigh bondage effect play is quite possible with tit flaps, crotch and ass access.

Mr S Bondage Suit

Mr S Bondage Suit

I have to admit that this is one of the priciest pieces of bondage gear with a price tag of $2,895 but it will be the most intense yet versatile bondage experience available on this planet. In order to create the tight feeling each suit is custom made to measure to fit the sub’s body perfectly. In this process custom design ideas are possible, p.e. a friend of mine got a cod piece instead of the lacing around the crotch.

Parus Heavy Straitjacket

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Front View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

Front View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

During BLF Easter I had the chance to quickly try out the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket. And since we are in the middle of the heavy bondage special I want to quickly share my experiences with you.

Rear View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

Rear View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

The first impression you get when holding this piece of bondage equipment is that is it massive. Being made out of and lined with high quality, thick, fine grain European leather in combination with welded steel D-rings and roller buckles the total weight adds up to 7kg. The entire jacket his heavily padded. The padding is quilted and as every Parus product the manufacturing is spotless. This weight and the padding create a feeling of being encased in leather which leads to a tight bondage feeling without tightening one strap. Once that is done you either start to sink into a deep bondage headspace – or like me start to experience claustrophobia. Both effects are enhanced once the arms are fixed. You can do this either like classic straitjacket style with the arms crossed in front of the chest or tie them down parallel to the torso using the d-rings on the side.

Side View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

Side View of the Parus Heavy Leather Straitjacket

With 3 D-rings on the collar and 3 on each side there are enough possibilities to limit the movement of the sub even further. What sets this straitjacket apart from other besides going down up to nearly the knees is the laced up codpiece and the easy access to the ass. So despite having rendered the sub completely immobile you can still play with him very well. What this model lacks are tit flaps but I am positive that the guys at Parus can do a custom design if requested.

The straitjacket comes as a one-size-fits-all. I am 1.88m high and average built and it fit me quite well. Through the many straps it can be adjusted to nearly every body size.

This straitjacket retails for 1.449€ and is a Parus exclusive. Since it is made to order it takes up to 4 weeks to be made.

Trend Topics: CBT and Crackstuffer

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Each week I get dozens of reader questions. Usually they are quite diverse ranging from dating tips over advice on how to produce a certain sensation with a toy to recommendations which toy to buy. But sometimes there seems to be a pattern. For example in December and early January I have gotten asked a lot if I knew any small, light and travel friendly CBT toys. And in the last two weeks I have gotten over 25 messages asking my opinion on Crackstuffers toys and their new material.
As a marketer I wonder how these concentrations occur because for as far as I can tell they come from all over the world. As a toy tester I try to answer them as good as possible. Because I already intended to feature some cock bondage devices in the upcoming heavy bondage special, I decided to start out with these toys and reached out to Uberkinky to get some additional handy CBT toys. Sadly I don’t own any Crackstuffers toys and currently other toys are higher on my priority list. So it will probably take some time or some review samples until I can give an educated opinion on their toys.
Until than enjoy some insight into the painful world of CBT and restricting world of heavy bondage.

Bondage Hardware Special

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Welcome to 2016! As already announced in the Season’s Greeting post I will start this year of with a special on Bondage Hardware. The series with have six parts.

  1. Rope: All you need to know when purchasing rope in a nutshell.
  2. Rope Substitutes: Not good with ropes yet want to create elaborate forms of bondage? This part is all the things you can use for bondage which are not rope.
  3. Connection Hardware: The hardware you need when you want to connect bondage hardware without knots.
  4. Accessories: All the items you need to be prepared for an extensive bondage scene – but the security items.
  5. Safety Hardware: The things you should keep in reach when doing bondage.
  6. Emergency Kit: The things you should keep in reach when something went wrong.

I hope you find this special informative and as much fun to read as I had researching and writing it. If you have any comments and suggestions e-mail or tweet me.

Christmas Gift Tip V – Leather Chastity Harness

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Christmas is over and after being stuffed with good food and (some more, some less) having enjoyed the company of our relatives most of us are heading home today. Some back to the gym in order to prepare for Full Fetish in London or to look good for the New Year’s Eve (Play) Party. Some might even already be thinking about New Year Resolutions for 2016.

Maybe because of that the time around Christmas is the period of the year where I get asked most about chastity device. I guess some of you want to become better boys next year in order to escape Santa’s naughty list in 2016. The question which chastity belt is right for whom is a quite complex one yet important because the devices are quite expensive investments.

The HML Leather Chastity Harness

The HML Leather Chastity Harness

When I went to HML in early December to try out some toys for the upcoming Heavy Bondage Special the guys handed me their new leather chastity harness. Being made out of leather it is soft and doesn’t leave a too big print even through thin cloth dress pants. It is also flexible thus comfortable to wear. Due to the stressful pre-Christmas period I haven’t had a chance to try it out extensively but I somehow fear that my new boy friend has already some evil thoughts. You will be able to read an extensive review in the Heavy Bondage Special sometime in March. But for only 79.95€ it is on the less expensive side of chastity devices and thus a great way to get used to have “something” permanently around your dick.

Season’s Greetings

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Season's Greetings 2015I am wishing you my dear readers and perverts, your family and friends a peaceful and quiet and maybe also filled with a bit kinky fun holiday season.

It was an interesting and successful year for ToyTorture.com: I made an appearance at the NoSafeword Show one of the most successful gay kink podcast, the E-Stim Special was the most successful special to date, the Twitter account is now close to 1.000 follower and only about 2 month after launching a Tumblr blog to publish all the porn pics I have taken over the years while testing toys it is already a great success.

So what to expect next year? The first half will be all about bondage starting out with a six piece Playroom Essential series about bondage equipment where I will talk about rope, carabineers and safety equipment. After having covered the basics there will be a quite extensive special on heavy bondage gear. I am still working on getting some great new partners to feature even more suppliers of high quality bondage gear that will range from “simple” heavy duty restraints over suspension bondage up to isolation hoods.

If you want to stay up to date with the latest info and smut from me and my website follow me on twitter.com/ToyTorture or ToyTorture.tumblr.com. If you have any suggestions, just mail me at info@ToyTorture.com or hit me up on Recon or PlanetRomeo.

I am looking forward to another great year with all you perverted kinky fellas.

Christmas Gift Tip IV – Books

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Only 4 days until Christmas Eve. Time is growing short to get gifts for your loved ones. So it is too late for a custom piece of gear or that play furniture you always wanted but would never fit under the Christmas tree.

One great way in order to not only benefit your and the ones close to you but the entire community is to make a donation to a worthy cause. This was last year’s last minute gift recommendation so please refer to this blog post if you are looking for a place to donate.

51DeuFibcvLThe first book is a kinky coffee table book called “Porn – From Andy Warhol to X-Tube” written by Kevin Clarke. It is a history of gay porn from the early beginning to the self-promotion of X-Tube stars. It sheds light into the change of the different genre and interviews important characters which acted before and behind the camera. While this books is about gay porn in general there is some insight into studios like Falcon and Cazzo (which by the way has its own book called the “Cazzo Story” which I think is currently only available in German) which shaped the aesthetics and way we play in our scene.

81BFZBhXQCLAnother mixture of porn and popular culture is the book “Forever Butt”. It is the second collection of pictures, interviews and articles from the (in)famous Dutch alternative gay magazine. Printed on pink paper it give insight into parts of the gay (kinky) community that isn’t as visible as other scenes. I have gotten their first compilation and strolling through the pages has always let to surprising and insightful new aspects of (gay) live.

51r95-431sLIf you are more looking for a trip back on memory lane that is easy to read like a novel take a look at Jim Stewart’s “Folsom Street Blues”. It is an autobiographical episodic novel of the life of Jim Steward. He is a photographer who came to San Francisco’s Castro district in the early 1970s just when it started to turn into the leather mecca it is now famous for. His point of view and acquaintances with many famous people from this area makes an interesting and fun read for everybody interested in that part of our scene’s history.

51758A6GwJLFor a more theoretical and thematic broader insight into this period of the leather scene I recommend Jack Fritscher’s “Gay San Francisco: Eyewitness Drummer”. I have to admit the read is sometimes hard but he covers so many different topics that like the Butt book there is always something interesting to discover between the covers.

Christmas Gift Tip III – Cards & Calendars

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11390053_7273890-stscrd01_lIt is only 11 days until Christmas. So it is high time to think about which fellow kinkster is going to get a Christmas card. And why not write this card in style? California based punk-kinky artist Drubskin offers some of his more modest motives on Society6 on a variety of products. These include stationary cards in sets of 3 for $12, 5 for $15 or 10 for $20 all including envelopes. I you want one of his more explicite motives get in touch with him. He can print them individually for $20 for 5 cards where you can mix and match the motives.

84115Also Uberkinky has given the Holiday Seasons some thought and made three rather kinky stationary cards. They retail for £2.99 a card or £6.99 for the set of three. Besides giving the receiver a slight hint what you want to do to them (or have done to you) next year they might also serve you as an inspiration for the last Christmas cookie baking session.

One of the most popular gifts at Christmas are calendars. Having a nice picture to look at when trying to remember which date it is it at least brightening my day on a regular basis. For two years two two from Mister B and one from the Czech Leathermen Association stayed with me. But not it is time for a change. And this year you can combine a nice playroom ornament or kinky object to look at in your office and do something good along the way.

_DSC0639-2The Quälgeist is a non-profit BDSM play location in Berlin. Each year they produce a calendar with fetish and BDSM motives benefitting their venue. It is a limited run always introduced at Folsom Europe so if you are interested in getting one you better be quick. It is sold for 8€ at their club location but I am positive that you will be able to get one sent to you when you get in touch with them.

DM_leatherbg_gearedup_promocalendarAnother non-profit organization that deserves your support is the Leather Archive & Museum in Chicago. They preserve and research our community’s history, organize events and educate by having an exhibition, inviting speakers and an extensive library. This year they teamed up with Daddy’s Media, a Chicago based company specializing in marketing for all things kink, to make the great “Geared Up Calendar” benefitting the LA&M. It features a modern interpretation of classic leather motives and intriguing BDSM pictures. It ships internationally and costs $17 + shipping.