LA Pump Cylinders & Vacuum Pump

La Pump Toys from left to right: Trigger Pump, Nipple Cylinder, Elliptical Cylinder, Thick-Wall Cylinder & Rosebud Cylinder

Vendor: Uberkinky

Construction

The toy you need for all pumping action is the actual pump. I have gotten a very basic one made out of plastic which does the job and is light-weight. One of my more pumping experienced testees actually prefers this kind of pumps for traveling because they are light and simple so are quite sturdy. It has only two moving parts: The grip you pull for pumping and a button for releasing the vacuum located right next to the hose. The hose is 50cm long and made out of transparent silicone with a one connector at the other end which fits into the vacuum valve on the cylinders.

Cylinders are the toys which are put on the body part which should be pumped. All cylinders from LA Pump are handcrafted from a sturdy polymer. The most common cylinders are the ones for pumping your penis and I have gotten two of them. First there is the round thick-wall cylinder which gets his name from the 7mm thick walls. It is rounded at the bottom for a good and comfortable vacuum seal. The other cylinder is an elliptical one so its shape is more like the one of a penis. At the bottom is has a flange which is between 12mm and 17mm wide. The flange distributes the vacuum pressure more evenly making it more comfortable to wear over long time and more intense scenes. To determine the correct size for your cock cylinder a rule of thumb is taking one third of your dick’s circumference as the diameter.

Detail of the Rosebud Cylinder’s Rod

Switching to the body’s rear I have gotten a rosebud cylinder for ass pumping. It is a 165mm long round cylinder with diameter of 75mm which ends in a rounded, elliptical flange which width increases from 11mm to 17mm. In the middle of the cylinder there is 254mm long and 25mm thick rod which is screwed and glues to the cylinder’s top. This rod goes inside your anus. Sadly this cylinder comes in one size only. So if your ass quiet experienced there can be a problem because the rod is too thin to form a vacuum along the sphincter. If that happens, don’t try to forcefully create a vacuum but continue pumping. This can lead to internal injuries!

For going up the torso I have gotten two nipple cylinders. They are 104.5mm long including the vacuum valve and have 7mm flange at the bottom for more comfortable long term scenes. To really feel the vacuum sensation on the nipple the internal diameter should be slightly smaller than areola.

Detail of the Cylinder’s Vacuum Valve and the Hose’s Connector

Playing with the Pump & Cylinders

Getting ready for pumping takes a bit of preparation. The body area onto which the cylinder’s rim sits should be mostly hairless because hair below the rim can prevent a vacuum seal from forming. For a smoother experience some people cover the rim and the bottom 5cm of the cylinder’s inside or the soon to be pumped body area with lube so the skin can get sucked in more easily. Personally I did not feel the need to do so but if you are having a pinching sensation around the cylinder when pumping give it a try.

When you are ready to pump, connect the pump to the cylinder and lightly press the cylinder against your body so the rim sinks into the tissue a bit. Especially with the rosebud cylinder you might need a second person for this because regardless if you are in doggy position or lying on your back, holding the cylinder in place and pumping at the same time is a bit awkward and clumsy.  Slowly start pumping until you feel a bit of a draft sensation. Stop until the sensation slowly fades away, than pump again. The aim of pumping is to maintain a pleasurable pulling sensation all the time. Pumping too quickly can lead to injuries. Good pumps have a gauge so you can see how much suction there is already inside the cylinder. If you want to take a break while pumping and walk around with your cylinder stuck to your body or pump on a different cylinder, push the little leaver on the vacuum vavle and pull the hose connector out. The vacuum will be maintained. To release the vacuum, connect the pump with the cylinder again and push the button next to the hose. When cock pumping I personally prefer the thick-wall cylinder. Due to its thicker wall it is heavier and feeling the heavy, solid cylinder in my hand while I see my dick grow is a horny mindfuck.

Difference of the Cylinder’s Bottom between a Thick-Wall (left) and Elliptical with a Flange (right)

After playing wash the cylinder wish warm soap water and if you use it on multiple partners sanitize it. The agents on the sanitizers can make the polymer dull so be prepared that over time the cylinders will lose a bit of their crystal appeal. Before using the cylinders again they should really be dry including the vacuum valve! Otherwise moisture can get sucked into the pump causing damage in the long run.

So much for the technical part; now to the anatomical. Cock pumps can have a beneficial effect on your sexual health and stamina. Pumping draws blood into the pumped body area increasing the blood flow making getting and maintaining an erecting more easily. Besides blood tissue fluid is getting pumped into the body area giving a puffy feel and increase the temporarily increase the size. When jerking off after pumping it will feel a bit like stroking a stranger’s dick which can be a hot experience on its own. Furthermore the light draft stress of the vacuum makes the nerve endings more sensible which lead to more intense orgasms or more intense nipple or ass play.

The Basic Trigger Pump without a Gauge

Cock pumps are often advertised to facilitate penis growth but sadly there isn’t scientific evidence that even after long and regular pumping your penis will permanently grow significantly. There can be a bit of increase in length and girth but don’t expect the increase to be measurable in centimeters – at least if you are interested in a rock hard dick. If you pump very often and for very extended periods of time the size will increase but the dick will feel soft and soggy because you are basically outstretching the skin and facilitate permanent tissue fluid accumulations. In a worst case scenario your dick will lose its ability to become hard. This “sponge dick” appears when you pump too quickly so the blood shooting into the cavernous bodies damages them. In a really bad case a blood vessel in your erect penis can erupt which is a case to call the ambulance! Pumping “hard” on body areas without cavernous bodies like the ass or nipple is not dangerous but can “just” lead to hematomas.

Conclusion: High quality cylinders with a basic pump.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Cock & Nipple Cylinders come in various sizes to fit all dick sizes & shapes Rosebud cylinder only comes in one size Thick Wall Cylinder £99.99
Elliptical Cylinder £99.99
Pump has no gauge Nipple Cylinder £69.99
Well made out of high quality materials for a good and comfortable vacuum seal Rosebud Cylinder £159.99
Basic Pump £16.99
Disclaimer: This toy was sent to me by Uberkinky for an honest and unbiased review.

Adjustable Nose Shackle

Vendor: Uberkinky

The Adjustable Nose Shackle from Uberkinky

Construction

The Adjustable Nose Shackle is made out of two square metal plates onto which two 25mm high shackles made out of wire are welded. The tips of the shackles are bent towards each other. Through the metal plate a screw is put through which the shackle can be opend up to 17mm and closed again. The screw head is textured for better grip yet especially with lubey fingers or when wearing heavy gloves it is a bit hare to turn. Below the screw there are two bars to guide the shackles. The entire toy is made out of stainless steel and weights 33g.

Playing with the Adjustable Nose Shackle

This toy might look small and innocent yet it is one of the most intense pieces of bondage gear I know. The nasal septum is a quite sensitive body area. For most bottoms just the weight of the lightly attached Adjustable Nose Shackle is a noticeable sensation. The pain of the shackle being pulled will make most subs comply and move in the desired direction. Of cause if you want to be mean you can tighten it even more for constant and agonizing pain.

Since the shackles are made out of wire instead of solid metal plates like other nose shackles are they can dig a little bit deeper into the tissue which results in better grip. To lead a sub around or incorporate the toy into a bondage layout simply put a little carabineer around the three bars and attach your favorite leash, rope or chain. But keep in mind that this will add extra weight which increases the experienced pain, especially when through dangling around movement energy is added.

The cartilage structure of the septum in combination with the smooth round tips of the Adjustable Nose Shackle is enough to prevent serious injuries if you tighten the shackle cautiously and not too tight. But especially when the bottom already has a septum piercing or the septum is damaged (through drug usage for example) be extra careful when pulling. Serious injuries might occur!

Detail of the Guiding Bars and the Screw to Adjust the Opening

The wide opening enables you to attach the Adjustable Nose Shackle to other body parts like the tongue, ear lobes, the foreskin or the frenulum. Some testees even put it on the sack (take extra care you don’t trap a spermatic cord!) or the perineum to lead their subs around. It is worth to experiment which body part gives the best reaction, where it can be worn the longest time or if you are extra sadistic get two, put them opposite ends of the body, apply some tension and see into which pain the sub will give in the most.

Being made out of stainless steel cleaning and sanitizing this piece of bondage gear is easy: Simply boil it in water for some time and let it dry properly.

Conclusion: Intense piece of bondage gear.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Makes sub comply quickly A bit difficult to operate Uberkinky £19.99
Finely adjustable sensation
Allows to incorporate unexpected body parts into bondage
  Disclaimer: This toy was sent to me by Uberkinky for an honest and unbiased review.

Oxballs Nutter Electro Sacksling

Vendor: Uberkinky

Construction

The Oxballs Nutter Electro Sacksling

The Oxballs Nutter Electro Sacksling is a sheath for putting around your balls. It is made out of their super-stretchy and easy to care for FLEX-TPR. The Nutter comes in black, smoke clear, clear and clear read; the e-stim version is only available in clear. The top is designed like their very comfortable, long-time wear proven Unit X sack slings. The bottom features a sack for each ball. While the TPR around the balls is thinner there are reinforcement veins which help compress the sack to fit even smaller balls. At the bottom of the sack there are two holes either to drain swear or for the electrodes’ socket. The electrodes are two aluminum disks with a diameter of 22mm and each weight 9 grams. On the bottom of each disk there is a 25mm long tube with a hole in the middle which serves as a socket for 4mm banana plugs.

Detail of the two Aluminum Electrodes

Playing with the Nutter Electro Sacksling

As with all tight Oxballs nutt toys putting this one on is a bit of a challenge. I highly recommend shaving the crotch area well because getting hair caught by the TPR can REALLY hurt. Before putting the Nutter around your balls I recommend putting another Oxballs cockring around your balls to keep them from retracting into your body. Than stretch the opening hole wide and stuff your balls into the sheath; this works best with a third hand if available. Some testees managed to get their balls into it by turning the sack inside out, placing it onto the balls and flipping it back.

While the FLEX-TPR is resistant towards all forms of lube I do not recommend putting lube into it trying to make putting the Nutter on easier. The lube will get everywhere and you won’t get any grip anymore.

Detail of the Unit X Neck Design

But this bit of stress is way worth it. First there is the fetish aspect. With the Nutter on your balls look and feel bulkier and heavier, almost as if they have been pumped. There are also new sensations: The larger the scrotum, the more constant pressure is applied to the balls. It is not much but a constant, subtle and for mist CBT aficionados horny stimulation. The neck of the Nutter adds a little stretch which creats a unique sensation when cumming: The stretch keeps the balls from coming closer to the body which makes climaxing a bit harder yet more intense when finally getting there while the pressure tries to squeeze the cum out of your balls.

Detail of the Supporting Veins and the two Electrodes

If you get the e-stim version the fun gets even more intense. Since it comes with two electrodes the Nutter can be used as a bipolar toy with the sensation focusing on frying the balls. Especially with a remote controlled or motion triggered power box you can quite authentically recreate the feeling of getting kicked in the nuts. As a monopole – either with just one electrodes or with both daisy chained – using a monopole cock toy is the most fun because the currency travels along the many nerve endings along the shaft. For this kind of play an e-stim sound is the best counter electrode.

When you want to use the Nutter for e-stim you have to place the electrodes before putting the sheath on. Despite the TPR’s snug fit around the sockets they become a bit loose when stretching it to put the sheath on. Because of that I recommend attaching the leads before putting the Nutter on so you have something to hold onto.

Maintenance is quite easy: Simply wash it with warm dish soap water and let it dry. Afterwards spray a sanitizer on it. I recommend storing it not touching any other toys otherwise they might disintegrate each other.

Conclusion: A bit hart do put on to but intense CBT and E-Stim Toy
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Unique CBT sensation Difficult to put on Uberkinky Nutter: £44.99
E-Stim Version only come in clear E-Stim Nutter: £69.99
Bi-Polar E-Stim Stimulation
Easy to Clean

Uberkinky Silicone Core Whip

Vendor: Uberkinky

The Uberkinky Silicone Core Whip

Construction

The design of this toy is a standard single tail leather whip one with an overall length of 63cm. At the bottom there is a 17cm long grip onto which a 13cm long loop is attached. There are knots at both ends of the 12cm long and 2.5cm thick grip section making it secure to hold onto even with large hands. Out of the grip comes the 46cm long tail which tapers from 27mm to 11mm until ending into a 40x18mm large tip.

Detail of the Handle

The core of the Uberkinky Silicone Core Whip is made out of strong and sturdy silicone. It is covered with stiff yet flexible red and black leather in a herringbone pattern.

Playing with it

This is one of four Silicone Core Whips Uberkinky recently introduced. There is also a 94cm one with a thickened tail eng and a five foot and five foot five inches “classic” single tail with a whistler style cracker. While these are great toys for large play spaces most kinksters tend to play in their bedroom or have – like me – a rather confined play space at home. So I chose the shortest of the four leather whips. The compact form factor of this whip enables intimate play. It is short enough to hit a sub’s ass who is strapped to a whipping bench and still have body contact.

Detail of the Thickened Tip

The throwing of the whip takes a little bit to get used to. While the leather covering the silicone core can be broken in a bit to fit your individual whipping style the core despite being flexible has a certain preferred direction it wants to be thrown. This is even more intensified by the thickened tip which pulls the tail once thrown. Both these factors make this whip especially good for beginners because the core guides you and allows for pretty accurate targeting after a short time. Whip masters who are used to break in their whips will have to adjust a bit. Despite the thickened tip the Uberkinky Silicone Core Whip is well balanced allowing for longtime whipping without tiring out the wrist.

Detail of the Holding Lopp

The impact sensation can be best described as a medium-severe sting with a thuddy afterglow. The impact of the thickened end stings quite a bit but not nearly as much as a cracker of a leather whip would. After the sting spike after the impact a thuddy sensation spreads out from the impact point and takes some time to fade away depending on the impact’s force. The marks this leather whip is leaving are bruises rather than welts and it never broke the skin during the testing.

Like all leather whips cleaning is a bit difficult. As always I recommend letting it hang in the sun for a week and let the UV radiation take care of the germs.

Conclusion: Compact whip with medium-sever pain sensation.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Easy targeting Whipping style needs to adjust a bit to the whip Uberkinky  £49.95
Unique pain sensation for a single tail
 Disclaimer: This toy was sent to me by Uberkinky for an honest and unbiased review.

P.M. Body Leather Genital Flogger

The P.M. Genital Leather Flogger from Uberkinky

Vendor: Uberkinky

Construction

The basis of this toy are three 45cm long and 2.5cm wide pieces of flexible yet hard leather. The lower 11cm are slightly tapered and riveted together to form a grip. Around the bottom of the whip a leather piece is sowed and riveted which houses a d-ring which is handy for attaching the whip to a belt loop with a carabineer. Above the grip each piece of leather is cut into 4 straps making a total of 12 tails. The leather out of which the whip is made is sourced in Europe so is meets EU standards in regards of Chromium-6 and other possibly harmful substances. So it is safe to play with this whip even if it should leave some scratches.

Detail of the Grip with the attached D-Ring

Playing with it

When it comes to the play I personally find the product name “flogger” a bit misleading. Due to the “tails” not knotted together but riveted parallel the tails can’t be thrown but always fly parallel to the grip. Looking at the form of the leather pieces the toy is like three very long Tawses riveted together.

Detail of the 12 Tails

If you look at the toy, see a Tawse and wield it that way the toy makes more sense. The tails are long enough for properly spanking an ass, thighs, soles of the foot or even shoulders when the bottom is bound to a spanking bench. As for the genital part, the long tails properly work well on “flat” and “wide” area a vagina is (I don’t have females in my test panel) but for a dick the tails are too flexible and thin and thus evade the target.

The sensation of the tawse is a medium to sever sting. The rather hard and sharp tails are quite abrasive so after hitting the same body area multiple times there is a nice burning sensation. Though the tails are not severe enough to create some lasting marks beyond some red stripes. The abrasive qualities of cause mean being a bit cautious when hitting soft-skinned body areas like the glans.

Handling wise I am a bit torn: The flexible leather of the grip transmits a bit of the impact so you get good feedback on how well each stroke was. But even for me with a glove size 7 ½ the grip is too short and too thin. You have to cling a bit which can tire the hand.

Conclusion: Nifty and nasty compact impact toy with little ergonomic problems.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Medium intense pain which turns into a nice burning afterwards To small, too thin handle Uberkinky  £19.99
Leaves nice red stripes
D-Ring for easy storage
 Disclaimer: This toy was sent to me by Uberkinky for an honest and unbiased review.

Anal Toys 101

Finding the right anal toy and keeping it in good shape so it lasts for a long time can be a bit of a challenge. In this 101 I talk about what to consider when buying an anal toy and how to care for it properly.

Buyer’s Guide to Anal toys

There are many aspects to consider when choosing an anal toy. Especially when you are buying your first one and have not developed personal preferences yet, giving each aspect some thought is a good idea because a good anal toy is quite an investment. But if chosen wisely will bring you fun for years to come.

Material

Deciding out of which material your new anal toy is going to be made is the first step when choosing it because the material properties impact many relevant aspects of anal play.

Material composition

This is the most important aspect of choosing a toy. In the old days before EU regulations and custom testing imported goods, toys which I would not have recommended to put up your butt were widely available!

The inside of your colon is basically one big mucosal that will happily absorb whatever the lube (especially water-based lube) washes out of the toy’s material. Thus I recommend only purchasing toys which are manufactured in the EU or USA where dangerous plasticizers like phthalates or lead as a catalytic agent for silicone are forbidden. Just to be safe look for the label “Platinum Silicone” or “Phthalates Free” when choosing a toy. At the end of Buyer’s Guide there is a list of manufacturers I personally source from if you want a recommendation.

Lube

Not every lube can be used with every material. Some lubes will actually cause to disintegrate your toy. Thus depending on your lube preferences you have to choose the toy material.

The following chart shows which lube can generally speaking be safely used with which material. Of cause individual material composition can lead to unexpected effects. If you want to err on the side of safety only use water-based lube.

Water-base Lube Silicone-Base Lube Hybrid Lube Oil/Fat-Base Lube
Silicone X X
PVC/ Vinyl
Rubber X
TPR (✔) (✔)
Other hard Plastic
Wood
Glass
Metal

The Square Peg Charlie Horse Wiggly in Supersoft Bronze from Regulation

Firmness & Surface Smoothness

While glass, metal and wood are always hard, the plastic ones come in different degrees of firmness. With the latter group the thickness is also influenced by the thickness. The thicker a toy the harder it will feel.

Which degree of firmness is good is depends on the usage situation. For training your ass a softer toy is better because it adjusts a bit to the sphincter. For wearing a toy for an extended period of time a harder material is better because the sphincter will adjust to the form of the toy which is more comfortable in the long run. Also with hard surfaces the likelihood of skin folds and thus a pinching sensation decreases.

The firmness also impacts the structural integrity. The firmer the toy the easier it will stand up by itself. This is especially important then you want to ride or sit on a toy. If it is too soft, it will collapse.

Furthermore the surface structure is important. The smoother the surface the easier the toy glides in and the easier it will be to clean.

Pervertables

A quick word on pervertables: There are wooden, metal and glass objects which are not made for anal play but are being used for it, most prominently baseball bats or batons. Before inserting them into your rectum make sure they are deburred and 100% smooth! Especially which with wood it is imperative that is has a sanded and treated surface! Getting a splinter into your colon is always a reason to rush to the ER! As for glass objects, especially vases and bottles: Keep them out of your ass! The glass used to anal toys is a special type of glass that almost never breaks and glass anal toys are always solid. The injuries caused by shards of broken glass inside your rectum can be lethal!

The Bolder Stoll Doll from Regulation

Toy Form Factor

There are two major form factors: Dildos, which are compared to their thickness relatively long shafts with a tapered ending for easier insertion, and plugs, which are shorter and between the maximum diameter and the base taper again so they can stay inside the butt.

Dildos

Dildos are probably the oldest sex toys humans invented. Stone penises as old as 28.000 years have been excavated. They induce a friction sensation on the nerve endings inside the sphincter while sliding in and out and at best hit the prostate. Depending on the glans’ shape there can be some stretching sensation.

Dildos come in two varieties. The first one are realistic dildos. They mimic the penis shape of humans, animal or anthropomorphic beings. This means the shaft is textured with veins which intensify the friction and thus the sensation. At the bottom end most of the them feature a base shaped like balls. The second variety are shape dildos. They are bullet or torpedo shaped and lack natural texturing.

The Square Peg Depth Probe from Regulation

Somewhere between dildos and plugs are shape dildos which consist of a series of bulges. The most extreme form of this form are anal beads. They are a series of balls connected by a string or a tubes which are inserted into the ass and then slowly pulled out. Of cause these toys aim to create a stretching sensation rather than a friction one.

A special form of dildos are so call depth trainers, also commonly called colon snakes. They are long (at least 35cm long), made out of flexible materials and don’t have much texture; a depth indication scale at most. They are designed to seduce the second sphincter to gradually open up to prepare for deep fisting.  Since this sphincter is not used to physical stimulation and unlike the anus can’t be relaxed purposefully, training it takes some time. So don’t rush it!

The Oxballs Pig Hole Deep from Mr S

Plugs

The shape of a butt plugs is best compared to the bottom half of a sand clock. From the tip they gradually increase in diameter and then – depending on the plug – either taper again or go directly into a short neck which is attached to a base. Through the gradually increasing diameter the main sensation of plugs is a stretching one.  So plugs are good to slowly accustom to and train the sphincter to a certain diameter.

A special form of plugs are hollow or tunnel plugs. Their outside form is like a butt plug but instead of being solid they have hole in the middle. Through the opening in the middle the tip is dull. So even if you can take the maximum diameter of the plug you might not be able to take it or only after a long pre-stretching. The hole is useful for many things. Through it lube or other liquids can be poured or the closing function of the sphincter can temporarily be taken away. The plug also protects the nerve endings in the sphincter from friction. Thus hollow plugs are especially useful in combination with depth trainers. Such plugs shield the anus from the friction sensation allowing the bottom to focus on what is happening at his second sphincter. When the tunnel plug is made out of a stretchy material (and is large enough) it can be used to fist through it making a formally too small interesting again or put it over a standard butt plug to increase its size.

With the increasing popularity of pet play there is a growing market of tail plugs. Instead of a base an appendix mimicking the look of an animal’s tail (most common are dog and pig tails) is attached to the plug’s body.  When choosing a tail keep two things in mind: Don’t buy a too small plug section because if it slides in too easily it will also slide out easily causing you to lose the tail when walking or wagging. Furthermore the mass ration between the plug and the tail should not be too much off. The center of gravity should be at the plug otherwise there is also the danger of the tail popping out easily. Tails are also popular with switchers not into pet play. When fucking somebody the tail will develop an momentum which is transferred to the plug section which than stimulates the prostate.

Finding the Right Size & Form

The following factors determined first if you will be able to take the anal toy and second how much you will enjoy it.

The Domestic Partner Crack Attack from Regulation

Maximum Diameter

Usually 3cm to 4cm is a good size to start out anal play. As you progress to bigger toys I recommend going up in steps of 1cm to 1.5cm increased maximum diameter. This is enough of a challenge yet you get the satisfaction of conquering the toy after a couple of days to weeks depending on how thoroughly you train. I know that this is costly by trying to get a toy in for weeks and always failing is very frustrating!

Slope

The slope of a toy defines how quickly the diameter from the tip on increases.

Even though the sphincter at the anus can somewhat voluntarily be relaxed it still is a muscle humans cannot control completely. It needs to be seduced to open up and in order to establish a certain training level actually carefully (!) stretched like every other muscle. Thus generally speaking steeper slopes are better because they allow the sphincter to open up more gradually. Especially when you are a novice stay away from toys with large dull tips because it will just press against the sphincter and it won’t open up. But even with a well-trained ass you will encounter toys that diameter wise are not really a challenge yet you won’t be able to take due to a weird slope. Sadly there now way to know before the purchase with which toys this is going to be the case so please be prepared for one or two useless purchases.

At butt plugs there are two slopes to look it: First the one before the maximum diameter which I just talked about. The second one is the one behind it. It defines how easily the toy comes out again. When you want to train your sphincter a steep slope is preferable. Once inside you can slowly fuck yourself with the plug, enjoying the stretching sensation. If you want to wear the plug for an extended period of time a duller to non-existing slope is preferable because it makes involuntarily popping out more difficult. However please keep in mind: When keeping a plug in, the “warm-up” effect of pushing it in slowly fades so seducing your sphincter to open up and release the plug becomes increasingly more difficult when keeping it in for long.

The Square Peg Happy Hour from Mr S

Position of Widest Diameter

Especially when you progress in training the position of the widest diameter becomes an important aspect to keep in mind. If you stick with a steep slope and increase the diameter the location of the maximum diameter moves further away from the tip so you have to insert more length for the maximum stretch. Since the colon is a quite small body cavern you might not reach the neck or even the maximum diameter. From a psychological point of view this is bad when training because inserting a toy completely fills you with a sense of accomplishment and giving you an opportunity to rest. This is usually a boost of eagerness to train further. Constantly failing on a plug is quite demotivating.

Texture

The texture describes the surface of a toy beyond the material properties (see: Firmness & Surface Smoothness). Since texture increases the friction of a toy it makes the insertion more difficult. So a textured toy with a diameter you usually take easily might not fit afterall.

In the section about natural dildos I have already briefly talked about natural texturing. They comprise of veins, the molded glans and foreskin and when we look at anthropomorphic toys scales, etc.

Detail of the Convex Shape and the Heavily Textured Surface of Apollo the Chimera

On shape dildos and plugs these three texture patters can be found (in ascending order of intensity): Groves, bumps and ridges. Which form delivers the best sensation is very individual. But a good rule of thumb is: the higher the texture is risen the stronger the stimulation. This of cause means that these toys are meant for play when the hole is already relaxed and well played with so it is not about the stretching (sensation) but about teasing the nerves in the sphincter. Please keep in mind that this form of play can wear out an ass quickly so be prepared for the scene to end rather sooner than later.

Extra Features

Sometimes toys come with extra features for a more intense or varied play. The most commonly found extra are sucktion cups. They enable you to temporarily securely attach the toy to a smooth surface (tiles are best for it) using vacuum. This is nifty feature when you really want to ride at toy so it doesn’t slip away.

For training the sphincter or creating a feeling of being stuffed without being able to take large diameters inflatable toys are useful. Once inserted you can pump them up in order to increase the diameter. I recommend buying only inflatable toys with a solid core for easier insertion.

Detail of the Base with Suction Cup Feature

A less commonly found feature are cum tubes. At the tip of the toy there is a small opening onto which a tube is attached. At the end of this tube is a syringe filled with a cum like lube. If you pus the end of the syringe the cum is getting splashed into the colon simulating an ejaculation. As nifty and unique as this sensation might be, a cum tube makes cleaning and drying of the toy more difficult.

For added stimulation some anal toys feature a vibrating function. When you are using quite hard toys this sensation can also be achieved by pressing a magic wand against the toy’s base. Another added stimulation is e-stim. Please refer to my in-depth review of e-stim plugs here for more information.

Personal Recommendations

This is a highly subjective, certainly not complete list of brand and retailers where good anal toys can be found. From these I source my anal toys from because I trust them for their product safety and quality.

Caring for your Anal Toys

Cleaning & Safer Sex

From a Safer Sex point of view a toy should either be used only by one person or covered by a condom. While the first is unlikely if you are having an active “social” life, the latter is unpractical as soon as it comes to toys larger than an L size penis. So cleaning the toys the right way is essential.

To clean your toys after play fill the sink with water between 40°C and 50°C, add dish soap and let the toy soak for approx. 15 minutes. I recommend using dish soap without perfume or lotion because these additives are bad for rubber and some PVCs. If you have used very thick water based lube add salt to break down the lube. At the soaking scrub the toys with a soft brush and rinse the soap water off. As a first step of sanitizing fill the sink again with hot water, add vinegar-based cleaner (possibly organic because you want to shove the toy up your butt again) and let it soak for a quarter of an hour. The acid in the vinegar will also deal with most of the unpleasant smells. Rinse the toy off and let it dry. Finally spray the toy with a sanitizer. The agents in the sanitizer can make glossy surfaces dull so you might want to try it on the base where the blemished surface is inconspicuous.

With some materials other means of sterilization are also possible once the lube has been washed off.  Metal toys can be flamed or autoclaved; the latter is also possible with high quality silicone toys.

A common question is how to deal with discolored toys. Sadly this effect is irreversible and simply comes with ages of plastic toys. To avoid it, buy only black toys.

Storage

In order to have long lasting fun with your toys keep some simple storage rules in mind. Always clean the toys after using them. The lube or body fluids otherwise can foster chemical reactions which might harm the toy. The storage place should be dry and well ventilated especially when you are storing toys from different manufacturers or made out of different materials together. The toys must never touch! The different plasticizers used by different manufacturers and materials can cause the toys to dissolve when touching or the air being filled with them. If the process started (an area getting sticky or gooy) it is too late. Sadly the process is irreversible and sooner than later you have to throw away the toy. Especially soft toys should be stored upright (or in case of depth trainers loosely rolled up) otherwise they might get permanent creases.

Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle

Vendor: Uberkinky

The Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle from Uberkinky

The Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle from Uberkinky

This Ballistic Metal paddle arrived just in time as a review sample from Uberkinky to be taken with me to Folsom Europe. Being a little bit like the Duracell Bunny on play at such events I was lucky to get enough play experience with it to write the review rather quickly because there were quite a lot reader questions for painful Spanking and Caning toys recently.

Detail of the Viper Paddle's Grip

Detail of the Viper Paddle’s Grip

Construction

The grip of this toy is made out of two tapered brushed aluminum plates. The shape makes for a secure comfortable grip while the material is light enough not to tire the wrist yet heavy enough for a good balance and counter weight when paddling. Two screws are keeping both plates together. Between those two the impact material is fettered. It is made out of 5mm thick flexible black rubber like material with hard edges. One side is somewhat smooth like very fine sand paper while the other side has a chevron texture with 1mm deep grooves. The viper’s “tongue” is triangular starting width of 4.5cm and converging to a tip over a length of 27cm. Like snake’s tongue it is split in the middle.

Sadly like the other Ballistic Metal toys I own there is no way a loop could be attached securely so you have to store the toy lying.

Detail of the Viper Paddle's Tongue's Two Surfaces

Detail of the Viper Paddle’s Tongue’s Two Surfaces

Playing with the Toy

This toy is not for the faint of heart! With a light tapping the sensation is not too intense yet an experience player will get to notion what this toy has in store. Put a little more force into it and you will quickly produce some intense sting sensation. Unlike other Spanking and Caning implements the Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle can create serious pain with little force. Most pain pigs I have used this paddle on could not stand a full set of full blows. This is due to the split tongue which dramatically reduces air resistance. Due to these properties this toy is not made for warm-up.

With that being said the paddle is extremely good for intense pain scenes or mind fuck. Once a sub is accustomed to this toy just let the rough chevron side travel lightly over the body and he will tense up with anticipation. The two sides also come in handy when you want to increase the intensity of a scene quickly. I drove a sub close to the edge with the smooth side and when he asked for more finished him up with the rough side. The abrasive friction of it adds a new quality and intensity to the sting. An even sharper sting can be created when you just flick the tips against the body. I have used the Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle in flogging scenes to add intense sting or in tit torture sessions for excruciating reactions. Due to the sharpness of the material I would not recommend hitting body areas with thin skin like the glans. From a more sensual point of view run the smooth cool grip over the hot and reddened body areas in the cool down periods.

Detail of the Viper Paddle's Split Tongue

Detail of the Viper Paddle’s Split Tongue

Speaking of reddening: The Ballistic Metal Viper Paddle colors fairly quickly. Especially the rough side will leave some quickly fainting chevron marks if you really put some power into the blow. Despite the hard edges and abrasive surface even in intense scenes this toy has not drawn blood or caused bruises.

Being made out of synthetic materials cleaning this toy is very easy. Simply spray it with sanitizer and wipe it off. Due to the tongue being made out of rubber I would recommend keeping it away from oil and fat. Finally a piece of practical advice: The kinetic energy from the tongue’s impact naturally get transferred into the grip and thus onto the screws which can get loose. So after an intense scene check them and if necessary retighten them.

Conclusion: Vicious impact toy for serious pain pigs.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Intense stingy sensation without much force needed No loop for attaching the toy to the wrist or better storage Uberkinky £62.99
Comfortable to hold and well balanced for long scenes without tiring out the wrist
Easy to care for
Impressive design

Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring

Vendor: Uberkinky

Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring with the Matching Closing Plug

Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring with the Matching Closing Plug

Construction

The Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring is a rather special anal toy. The butt plug is made out of smooth aluminum with a matt black finish. It is head has the shape of a sphere through which a tube runs. On the bottom of the sphere it merges into a neck which features a smooth rounded base so the butt plug doesn’t accidently get sucked into the ass. The hole can be closed with a matching closing plug which is made out of hard rubber.

The Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring comes in six different sizes. For the various dimensions of the different sizes take a look at the spreadsheet below.

Size Diameter of the Head Diameter of the Neck Length Diameter of the Tube
Extra Small 40mm 25mm 75mm 15mm
Small 50mm 35mm 80mm 25mm
Medium 60mm 45mm 85mm 30mm
Large 70mm 55mm 95mm 35mm
Extra Large 80mm 65mm 95mm 45mm
Extra Extra Large 95mm 80mm 115mm 55mm
Detail of the Hole in the 24/7 Meo Stretching Plug

Detail of the Hole in the 24/7 Meo Stretching Plug

Playing with it

For many subs surrendering control is a huge turn on. For that reason chastity devices are quite popular. This butt plug was designed to also control the rear side. Once you have found a comfortable size you can wear it for extended periods of time. Since the aluminum surface is not sticky and the firmness of the material makes it easy to move around so sphincter will shift the plug in a comfortable position. So the Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring is more comfortable to wear than rubber or vinyl ones. Due to really being able to be worn for long periods of time, it is a great toy to train your ass to easily take a certain size of toys (or fists).

For finding the right size you should take some time to assess what the wearer’s ass can really handle. Being my out of metal this butt plug you can’t squeeze it in but only force it in (which I would not recommend). Also: The opening makes it rather dull which makes insertion even more difficult. In order for a smooth insertion of the Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring stretch the ass in advance with butt plugs until one with an approx. 20% larger diameter goes in easily. If you have a dildo that fits through the butt plug’s hole put it there for a smoother opening up of the sphincter.

Detail of the Closed Plug

Detail of the Closed Plug

Once inserted give the ass some time to adjust to the new feeling and get tighter again. I recommend that you don’t stretch out the ass too much. Being made out of aluminum the plug has some considerably weight so if the sphincter it too relaxed there is a chance the plug will fall out of the ass. You can prevent that from happening with wearing a plug harness that keeps the butt plug in place. This is also recommend when you want to wear it while sleepng. Even though when you love you Meo 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring for your body it will remain a foreign object that he wants to get rid off so it is not uncommon that this butt plug gets pushed out when sleeping.

For really enjoying this plug 24/7 I recommend getting the matching closing plug in order to keep messy incidents from happening. If the pressure from the inside isn’t too strong it takes just a little push to put it in place. Pushing it in harder requires infinitesimal more fore when pulling it out so you might accidently pull the plug out. So be a bit careful. Of cause with the hole in the middle the messiness can be forced or created. One friend uses his small plug at the beginning of a fisting scene to pour lube into the fistees rectum. This butt plug is also great to piss into someone’s ass and still practicing safer sex.

Detail of the Hole Opening on the Top of the 24/7 Meo Anal Stretching Plug

Detail of the Hole Opening on the Top of the 24/7 Meo Anal Stretching Plug

Being made out of metal cleaning this toy is easy: You can put it in your dishwasher, throw it into boiling hot soapy water or even use chlorine or bleach (though I would recommend alcohol for safety reasons). Once properly cleaned you can use this butt plug on a different partner without any fear of transmitting a disease.

The pictures for this review show the large version with the matching closing plug which Uberkinky sent me as a review sample.

Conslusion: Comfortable plug for extended periods of wearing it
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Comfortable to wear over extended periods of time Due to the shape a bit difficult to insert 24/7 Anal Stretching Ring £44.99 – 89.99
Hole for inserting stuff into the rectum Closing Plug £5.99 – 9.99
Easy to clean

 

Shiny Nipple Chain and Clamps

Vendor: Uberkinky

The Uberkinky Shiny Nipple Chain & Clamps

The Uberkinky Shiny Nipple Chain & Clamps

I haven’t reviewed nipple clamps in a long time because I haven’t found a tempting one when strolling through the BDSM stores in Berlin. So when Uberkinky send me the Shiny Nipple Chain and Clamps to review I wasn’t too thrilled but luckily was pleasantly surprised.

Construction

The two clamps are 3cm long and on average 1cm wide. Despite being made out of sheet metal they are quite sturdy and have little flex thus I assume they are made out of some form of steel. Even pissing onto them didn’t lead to rust. The back of one side of the clamps is raised so it is easy to grip and open them up even when you have lubey fingers. The front has the shape of a half circle with a diameter of approx. 12mm. Inside this area is lined with textured black rubber which is hold in place by small dull teeth. The two clamps are connected by 31cm long chain.

You can vary the Intensity with the Space the Clamp grips

You can vary the Intensity with the Space the Clamp grips

Playing with it

I really like toys at which you can see that the person constructing it put some thought into the design. And the Shiny Nipple Chain and Clamps is a great example for such thinking.

Through the shape of the head you can create a wide range of sensations. For an intense sensation put just the tip with the dull teeth onto the nipples, for a mild and intriguing sensation use the entire width and length of head. So I made it a fun game to start out with the entire clamp covering the nipple and slowly pulling them forward as the scene progresses. The spring is only a medium strength I would say. However through the wide and flat surface of the head you can easily add Mawa clamps p.e. to increase the pressure.

Detail of the Grip Enhancing Lining

Detail of the Grip Enhancing Lining

Through the small teeth and textured rubber lining these clamps also stick to the body when the area is slippery through sweat or lube. Since I don’t know from which kind of rubber the lining is made so I would be cautious with silicone or fat based lubes because they could dissolve the material.

However the clever design fails to convince when playing in thicker gear. I found the small teeth a to big risk of scratching leather and rubber (and even ripping it) to squeeze covered skin between the two half of a clamp. Also the spring is too weak to by itself produce too much pressure for any recognizable effect through gear. They are also too bulky with too pointy corners to be worn under rubber. So I would recommend using them on bare skin only.

Conslusion: Well designed and flexible clamps for play on bare skin.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Extremely good value for money Not made for playing in gear Uberkinky £9.99
Wide range of possible sensations
Great build quality
Elaborate design & easy handling

Oxballs Unit X Stretch

Vendor: Uberkinky

Comparing the Unit X Stretch to the Nuttsling

Comparing the Unit X Stretch to the Nuttsling

Over 1 ½ years ago I reviewed Oxballs’ Nuttsling and it instantly became one of my favorite toys. So when Uberkinky offer me a review sample what Oxballs positioned as a more modern update to their “old” sling line I was instantly intrigued. So instead of a traditionally review I am comparing the new comer to the old champion to see who will be leaving this Oxballs family fight as a winner.

Construction

The Unit X Stretcher follows the same basic constructionas the Nuttsling with three holes: One hole through which you put your balls and dick which is oblique for a comfortable fit when it is pressed onto your body and a hole each for your dick and your balls. While the Nuttsling had a more industrial look with bulges for reinforcements the Unit X Stretch uses thicker material and a rough sand clock shape to create the same compression resistance. Through this and an additionally internal bulge in the tube going down to your balls the sack’s neck is compressed a bit for a nice bulky balls look. The major difference to the Nuttsling is that the tube opens up a bit behind the bulge leading for a more comfortable wear. Generally speaking all holes and tubes are 1 to 2mm wider than on the Nuttsling so generally speaking this toy is a bit more comfortable to wear – despite the bigger stretch. The tube going down to your balls is now 51mm long vs. 35mm on the Nuttsling. This more of room and comfort apparently lead to the omission of the recesses for your seminal ducts.

Detail of the Larger Holes

Detail of the Larger Holes

Material-wise a little bit has changed. Oxballs claims to have used a new TPR blend which is supposed to be more stretchy and rubber-like. For the stretch I can’t really tell. It is a bit easier to put on but I wouldn’t attribute that to the new material but to the larger holes. For the feel, yes it feels a bit different, not like rubber but a little bit smoother. More importantly: I felt that the shine stays on way longer despite extensive usage so it at least looks more like rubber.

Playing with it

In the review of the Nuttsling I said that it is made for really long-term usage. This applies even more to the Unit X Stretch. I have worn it on long parties, nearly all Folsom Europe, slept with it on for a night and never experienced any problems. This is due to the stretcher being a bit larger in any dimension and the tube going down opening up. The times I pinched skin when putting it on or walking around dropped to nearly zero. It is also a bit more comfortable to wear because the sand clock shape allows for little bit of collapsing on the narrowest point so the stretcher adjust a bit onto who much stretch your balls can take. This of cause doesn’t compromise the effect of a ball stretcher. The balls still bounce happily when jerking off or fucking and are hold properly far away from your body when they want to come closer for shooting your load making the orgasms more intense. In fact: Because my balls are a bit on the larger side I liked the extra 15mm stretch. The more of comfort doesn’t excuse you from a proper shave. Caught pubic hair between your skin and the stretcher can create quite sever pain when moving!

For putting it on nothing has really changed to the old model so I repeat my old instructions:

  1. putting both forefinger and middle finger inside the stretcher tube,
  2. squeeze and pull it apart,
  3. push the back against the point where your perineum meets your scrotum,
  4. pull the tube over your balls,
  5. than your dick through the hole and
  6. finally adjust the tube which will probably still be a bit deformed after the squeezing.
Detail of the Bulge for a Snug Feeling

Detail of the Bulge for a Snug Feeling

Despite the new material nothing has changed when it comes to lube. Oxballs still claims the new TPR blend is fine with any form of lube. I have tried it with water-based one, silicone lube and olive oil and Vaseline and it didn’t alter the surface. So even during a sloppy, messy fist scene with lots of Crisco it will stay nice and shiny. Another property of really all Oxballs TPR blends is that they don’t take over smells. So you don’t take the smoke smell of a crowded bar or other fumes from a dirty party back home. As expected the new blend also does not conduct electricity so the Oxballs Unit X Stretch can be used for isolating between two poles in electro CBT. The longer neck even allows for new interesting kinds of play: Until I have bought the Oxballs Zap last weekend in Berlin I used to stick two Mystim Silicone Pad Electrodes into the tube in order to fry the ball’s neck. I have to admit it is a bit of a challenge to place them there but the fun is worth the effort.

So at the end the question remains: Who is the winner? For me it is the Unit X Stretch. It does all the things the Nuttsling does just as good but a little bit more comfortable and with a little bit more stretch. To be honest I personally prefer the industrial look of the Nuttsling over the sprtoy streamlined one of the Unit X Stretch but when it comes to play

Conslusion: The new most comfortable ball stretcher I own with even greater long-term potential!  
Pro Cons Where to get Price  
Comfortable even over long periods of time A bit tricky to put on Uberkinky £24.99  
Flexible Uncomfortable when unshaved
   
Resistant towards sweat, piss and lube