Schlagwort-Archiv: Personal Life

My First Bad Dragon Toy

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My First Ever Bad Dragon Order: Vergil the Drippy Dragon, David the Werewolf and Apollo the Chimera

Story time with ToyTorture…

Following a couple of tweets last week, I have gotten a very interesting reader question which I am going to answer in this blog post: Which was my first Bad Dragon toy? So let’s take down a trip memory lane when I still was a student…

In the summer of 2016 I had just handed in my M.A. thesis, was anxiously waiting for the results and equally anxiously searching for a job. But after a few stressful months (and a nerve-wrecking finish of my thesis…) I also took some time off for myself and to think about ToyTorture.com. Started at a time when passive anal sex was an afterthought for me. This little project was started as an alternative to the countless websites testing anal toys. It should be a resource on quality BDSM toys, the website I was looking for when I took my first timid steps into the scene over 15 years ago.

But kinksters are multi-perverse and as my readership grew, the ranger of reader questions broadened. So into the streams of questions about Mr S hoods and Fetters restraints one name appeared more and more often: Bad Dragon. To be honest, back then I knew little about anal toys and their quality. At best I have bought branded toys from Beglo Prism, at worst random stuff from China which shape looked promising. Miot of the toys I used to get fistable, I would shy away from nowadays and have banned from my playroom!

My Current Bad Dragon Collection (Moved Together) Minus the Toys Currently on Loan at Friends

After a few weeks my curiosity got the better of me and I investigated the matter thoroughly. To be frank, I first was shocked! Really weirdly shaped dildos, stories about (fantasy) creatures’ sex life, merch worthy of a rock band! Back then fantasy modus was default and only had very peripheral contact with the furry or puppy scene. But my testing for ToyTorture.com has always pushed me forward as a kinkster (impact play anyone?), I decided to take a not-so-deep dive and chose three toys which very much reflected my play style and mindset: Simple stretch, no depth play and a playroom has to be ALL black and steel! A Bordeaux or brown paddle already distracted my esthetic! What a long way I have come.

My David with how I would Probably Order Him Today

So this is what I ended up with: A large Virgil in firm, an XL David in medium and an XL medium Apollo, all in… let’s say sedate colors. When I opened the parcel, the inside was nicely wrapped in purple silk paper which hit the sealed plastic bags. From Oxballs toys I knew that silicone attracts dust like nothing else. When I opened these plastic bags, I was a bit shocked how big and voluminous the toys were! I still had to learn to infer size and dimensions from dimensions on a website and product description. So my first Bad Dragons became the first toys of which for the review I mostly relied on review experience of play partners and friends to whom I sent the toy. On all toys I could take the glans. The first toy I knotted was Apollo in end of October when I was trying to relief my moving stress. Virgil followed two years later and riding his knot gave my me first involuntary prostate orgasm. It took me until this spring to completely conquer David.

My Virgil aside the his Natural Color I would choose Today

Despite this difficult start, these three toys started a love affair which has not ended yet. When I thought about my second triple I moved to a new stage in my life, had a playroom and suddenly color came into play which sparked even more interest in the review. Suddenly people were interested in “my” color combination because they want to order it too! And they were interested in my opinion on other BD toys. It sometimes feels, the more of their toys I review, the more reader questions I get, all on toys I have not reviewed.

So, quo vadis Bad Dragon @ ToyTorture.com? Looking at the reader questions table I keep, currently most of you are interested in reviews of canine dongs. Having only recently tamed my second sphincter dog dildos have not really been on my agenda but I hear you and try to quench this thirst for reviews as soon as possible.

My Apollo with Oone in Green Dancer, a Color that my Collection still Lacks Despite Green being my Favorite Color

This is a good example of how the review requests differ from my personal taste.  If it way my hole deciding which toys to review next, it would be Kelvin and Glyph (and personally I’d love an XL Fenrir because the Large is already so drool-inducing). But it looks like that the next names on the Bad Dragon review board will be Austin, Rex and Roland.

To conclude this little tale, would I place the exact same order as I did over five years ago? Yes and no. One thing that has not change since these first batch of naughty wyrms is my taste for firm anal toys (though I have started to admit that then it comes to depth play, there is a place for softer, yet not too soft toys). But color-wise I would be more daring! David would come in his Signature, glow in t he dark pattern, for Virgil I would also go with Signature (well, since he sounds hot in XL, I might one day get him that way) and Apollo? Good question. His Signature is a bit wild, so I’d probably go one o f the many glow in the dark pattern Bad Dragon offers. But since there are still so many different shapes to explore, buying second versions of toys I already have in my collection is still way ahead.

Also, Bad Dragon is not the only toy company in my dungeon. At this period of time I was introduced to the SquarePegToys Acorn by a friend. But this is a story for another day.

Concluding this Year’s IDAHOBIT Greating with Colorful Dildos from Many Manufacturer

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Merry Christmas you happy perverts!

This is usually the spot where I am expressing my hope that after all the Christmas debaucheries you get up to some nasty fun and maybe get try some of your new kinky toys. But this year is different.

Like many, I am spending Christmas alone. In my case for the first time because travelling to my parents or even my BF’s family would have been too risky. So at least at my playroom there is no one to get down and dirty with. And to be frank, my mood and headspace would not be there. Most likely that will change on Sunday when my partner will come visiting me.

2020 has been a very challenging year on all levels – personally, for the society and economy and the world as a whole. Sometimes I wonder what I would have done differently if I knew a year ago what would happen over the course of the next 12 months. But there is a silver lining on the horizon and I am certain that sometime next year we will be able to do all the things we now so painfully miss.

As dire as 2020 has been in total, it has been a great year for ToyTorture.com. Locked down, people started to explore their kinky side – both alone and with their partner(s). So if you are one of those new readers, I especially welcome you and hope you are here to stay! I have never gotten so many reader questions, got so many visitors and gained so many Twitter followers – hitting 10k just this morning -, that I am humbled. What started out as a little past time project when I was still a BA student grew over the years into something so much bigger! Over the years, I have grown as a person and as a kinkster, exploring things I would have never imagined. You are pushing and driving me and I am grateful for that!

But as the years passed, my life beyond ToyTorture.com has changed quite a bit. Over 4 years ago I left university. Working full time in the job I have studied for, I started a career in a completely different field than kink and sex toys. And with growing responsibilities, the time on my hand is getting scarcer.

I am not sure yet how this development will affect ToyTorture.com. But what I can assure you: Despite steadily and steeply growing KPIs, I will not turn this website into a business! I will not become an influencer who needs to push you towards certain toys to meet marketing agreements or make affiliate commissions. You will always get my honest, unapologetic opinion on toys! They still will mostly be positive because I want a happy mood here and always considered ToyTorture.com a lighthouse in a sea of badly made, dangerous and knocked off toys. And as long as there are manufacturer who will not send me review samples because I am too critical or do not “promote” products enough, I know that I am on the right way.

Like every year, I am taking a creative break after Christmas for a few weeks and month. This is especially necessary this year, because getting review experience during the lockdown has been a challenge. But I will be back!

Until then, stay safe and well! I wish you all the best for the next year and look forward to seeing you here back again soon! In the meantime, follow me on Twitter to keep up with my kinky and not-so kinky life.

Rubstraints

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The Cuffed Rubstraints with Various Connectors

Vendor: Cuffed

Rubber is one of the major fetishes out there and was actually my first fetish (more on that in some rare personal words at the end of this review). Often, a rubber fetish comes along with a love for bondage (rubber drones being forcefully reprogrammed anyone?). Sadly due to rubber being a fragile material and complex to process – especially when you want to compensate the fragility – there are few “good” rubber restraints out there. So many people mix rubber gear with leather restraints which for a true and only rubber lover is a painful compromise and thus messages asking for product recommendations in that regard are frequent. So when my dear friend StormWolf from Belgium drew my attention to the Cuffed restraints during his visit to Darklands earlier this year, I was thrilled and amazed because they looked very promising. Not wanting to anticipate the final verdict too much but they exceeded my expectations.

Design

The Rubstraints follow the design of all premium cuff-style restraints: A soft body that hugs tightly around the joint is connected to a sturdy belt that absorbs the force of the struggling sub. Unlike their leather cousins, the body is not padded but made out of two layers of 0.9mm grade rubber. Along the long edges of the body runs a rubber tubes covered in thin rubber to create the impression of piping. Onto the body, a double layer of Kevlar reinforced industrial rubber is riveted. On one side a rough patch of Velcro is glued and riveted on the belt while a small fleecy patch is at the other end of the body. The second belt houses two stainless steel gates with a clearing above the rubber of 11x51mm, a locking pin and roller buckle. There are 10 rivet-reinforced holes for closing the buckle. If you want to used the locking pin, you can fasten the belt up to the 7th hole (if you use the widest setting of the Velcro the 6th hole).

Detail of the Rubstraint’s Metal Closing & Locking Trims

For the locking mechanism Cuffed uses genuine Segufix locking pins, locks and keys so you can mix and match with your existing set. What sets them apart from standard Segufix equipment is that 11mm below the top, there is a 4mm hole drilled into the locking pin. This hole is designed to lock the restraints onto your sub if the Segufix locks seem to unsecure for you. However, since the top of the hole is aligned with the bottom of the Segufix lock neither my testees (useing ABUS Titalium) nor me (using Master Lock, please don’t ask my which line…) could find a lock which shackle was long enough which body was thin enough to fit below the lock. So you have to choose between the Segufix and the padlock. Alternatively, use seals like the ones for chastity cages so at least you know when your sub broke out.

Two Rubstraints connected using the Shorty Connector

The two restraints I have used for this review are wrist and ankle restraints. The wrist restraints cover a joint circumference of 14cm to 22cm, the ankle restraints 20cm to 28cm. A question I genuinely get often in regard of other restraints: If you have thin ankles, you can of course use wrist restraints on them or vice versa if you have strong wrists! Especially the industrial rubber is stiffer than leather. So the restraints have little give. Furthermore the basic tension inside the restraints means that the buckle pin will not rest on the roller when you just leave one hole between the buckle and the locking pin.

Along with the restraints themselves, you can order various connection belts. They are made out of the same Kevlar reinforced industrial rubber as the belts on the restraints and are just wide enough to perfectly fit inside the stainless steel gates. But since they do not have skin contact, they are not lined with soft latex. The core of each of these connectors is a Segufix locking pin. For the basic Shorty connector there are two rivet-reinforced holes. If you push them over the locking pin they create two loops for connecting two restraints. Another iteration of this design adds a stainless steel gate perpendicular to the rubber belt. For longer distances there are also adjustable, there are belts out there (ingenious product naming!). Instead of having just two holes wide enough apart to create the loops, the have a traditional belt hole layout. Additionally they are equipped with two stainless steel gates for added connectivity.

Detail of the Latex Body and Industrial Rubber Belts

Nota bene: While for this review I only looked at the cuffed restraints most often used in bondage, Cuffed created an entire system around the design also featuring collars, biceps and thigh restraints or a wide bondage belt. So they have gotten you covered for more elaborate or stricter bondage scenes.

If you have a medical/ asylum fetish that is not satisfied by the professional lock system Cuffed offers some of the restraints, belts and connectors off the rack with a tan belts and beige bodies. I am sure if you want other restraints from the system currently not included in this collection like the thigh restraints, they are open for custom commissions.

Like all rubber and latex items, the Rubstraints require a bit special care. Most important: Keep them away from oil and fat, including and especially Crisco! These substances will destroy the rubber! Since there is always a thin film of oil on the human skin, rubber should be washed after each scene either using simple, non-moisturizing dish soap or a special rubber detergent (my detergent of choice is Wonder Wash). Before storing them, make sure they are COMPLETELY dry (often water gets trapped in the tubes used for the piping) and seal the surface either with talcum powder or silicone lube to keep the rubber from oxidation. But regardless how well you take care of the Rubstraints, how thoroughly you clean and protect them from oxidation, they – like all rubber and latex times – will over time get old and finally break! So use them often and well to get the most fun out of them.

The Logo printed inside the Cuffs

If you want to learn more about rubber and latex, the perfect are and its appeal, check out my Rubber 101.

Playing with the Rubstraints

This is the first time I have ever written this about a piece of rubber bondage gear (except body bondage items lick sleeping bags): They work as well as their leather counterparts. The latex piped lining creates a soft and sharp edge-free surface that can actually be worn on bare skin over extended periods of time – even on a struggling sub! – without chafing. The thought-out placing of the rivets that connects the body to the belt diverts most of the force of a struggling sub to only the belt which is strong enough to deal even with strong subs. A testee submitted a body builder sub of his to tough e-stim torture and there was no noticeable wear and tear on the rubber or the rivets. So any rubber scene, any latex fantasy you would normally resort to using leather restraints can be turned into reality using the Rubstraints.

Detail of the Velcro

The most noticeable design difference to leather restraints is that as anchor points the Rubstraints use gates instead of D-rings. While this is an unusual decision I actually like the look at lot. It adds to the sleek, technical look and feel the thick, hard-edged rubber belts create. A drawback is that threading rope is difficult and attaching climbing carabiner is impossible. This is a very personal opinion and play preference of (most of) my testees and me but in our opinion “classic” rope clashes a bit with the modern look. “Rough” chain (with shackles as connectors) or “high-tech” nylon tension straps are a better match. The great advantage of gates are that if tied with enough tension and facing towards the short sides, the bondage medium stays in the corner and does not travel towards the apex like they have the tendencies on D-rings.

The Belt connected to a 90 Connector

The gates are also the foundation to incorporate the belt-style accessories. This is what set the Rubstraints really apart from all the other cuff style leather restraints I have reviewed and played with so far. The rubber straps being almost as wide as the gates, there is little vertical wiggle room so they create a stricter bondage than a carabiner would. Since they come in a variety of length, the severity of the bondage can be adjusted. For example, instead of using a belt to connect the ankle restraints and limiting the movement of the sub, a testee used the short Shorty which leave about 50mm of movement space. This leave the sub the theoretical possibility of walking around but practically it take a lot of practice to not fall over his own feet. Practice, easily enforces when tugging on his collar. Due to the added gate, the 90 are a bit wider (and actually come in two sizes).  While they take a bit away the strictness between the limbs, they add versatility. Now you can connect the two restraints pairs with either a short belt for a hogtie or a longer one when for a standing sub to create an interesting way to limit his movements (every time he takes a step, there will be a tugging on his wrists which especially when tied tightly behind his back adds another difficulty level). If you are more of a sadist, add a (spiked) parachute to his balls, run the rope through the gate and attach a weight. In this instance, the rope will travel from one corner to the other, causing the weight to swing, making the sub move and the weight swings more. There are many, creative, vicious and aesthetical pleasing ways to play with the connector. On the website from Cuffed there is a short, still extending guide with examples. So check this out if you need more inspiration. Another benefit of the rubber connectors are that they do not disturb the clean all-rubber and steel look the Rubstraints laid the basis for.

The Genuine Segufix Lock with Genuine Key

And last but definitely not least: The fetish aspect. They smell like a good piece of rubber gear should smell. The smell is so intense that opening up the box I store them in feels like opening my rubber closet. As for the looks the industrial rubber of the belts can either be high-shined to match latex suits yet is dull enough to appeal to the lovers of the rougher, dry or hazmat suit look. Other testee subs loved the Segufix lock. They bring a professional and heavy duty feel to the restraints. Especially a blindfolded sub familiar with the Segufix system will know what the faint and subtle “click” means when the lock is pushed over the locking pin.

A Personal Word from ToyTorture

Despite all the personal experience I try to make these reviews as objective as possible. So I have never written a truly personal opinion about a toy. But given the circumstances, I feel it necessary for this toy.

Rubber was my first true fetish and slowly venturing into the fetish, kink and BDSM scene, I first struggled a bit with good bondage gear were only available in leather. So locking back at my own past, I was genuinely excited for these restraints. When I opened the parcel, a wave of intoxicating rubber smell hit me! It was almost like Rubber@LAB – minus the smell of piss and poppers. I got them end of August and I was SO locking forward to using them on me, on subs, as photo prop. But due to the current circumstances, I only managed to get a few scenes as a top with them and was glad that I have testees with live-in subs to get more opinions on the toy for a review as you would expect it of ToyTorture.com.

ADarkGuy hogtied by ToyTorture using the Rubstraints

Yet still, every time I open the storage box for the Rubstraints in my playroom and smell the rubber and I see the shiny surface and feel the cold stainless steel I am heart-broken that a toy holding so much potential, so many fantasies inside them is just laying dead and unused in a box. So I truly hope that things will get better soon, that some time next year, I will lock these restraints around a rubber sub at Quälgeist or join one of my tops to Rubber@LAB. But for the moment these excellent pieces of bondage gear, German art of engineering and craftsmanship are a good example for all the things to look forward to once this pandemic is over.

Conclusion: The most effective, sturdy, fetish-please, thought-out and high quality rubber restraints.
Pro Cons Where to get Price
Sturdy enough even for heavy bondage scenes and strong subs Will age over time and will eventually break Rubstraints Wrist Cuffs 199€
Rubstraints Ankle Cuffs 199€
Intense rubber smell and feel
Shorty Connector (2 pieces) 44,90€
Two anchor points 90 Connector 32,90€
Thought-out accessory system 90 Long Connector 38,90€
Belt 50 49,90€
Belt Back 69,90€

Kink’s Out for Summer – ToyTorture.com Summer Break

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Like every summer, I am taking a few weeks off from reviewing toys in order to travel and fully indulge into the fair weathered days & white nights. Ususally I return to the reviewing schedule at Folsom Europe. But since this year everything is a bit different, I might be back a little bit earlier.

So what can you look forward to in the second half of 2020? With solitary play still playing a big role in our lifes, I will kick off the new season with an Anal Toy Special, reviewing toys from beloved brands like Bad Dragon, Mr Hankey’s Toy or SquarePeg but also introducing new ones to ToyTorture.com like Weredog. Coming closer to Christmas and the Christmas bonus shopping season, I will take a look at once-in-a-lifetime purchases like Mr S Straitjackets or elaborate hoods. And in between I will sprinkle impact toys, bondage gear, maybe a massager or even another e-stim power box, making ToyTorture.com the mixed bag of perversions as you know it!

While there won’t be new reviews, I am still online on a regular basis. So visit my Recon or PlanetRomeo profile, follow me on Twitter or send me an e-mail if you need to advice.

The End of Kinky Tumblr – A Personal Farewell

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It has been three weeks since Tumblr announced that they would be banning NSFW content on their platform from December 17th on. Until this point the platform was one of the largest – if not the largest – collection of porn in human history. But the moment the news hit the scene, not only a ludicrous discussion about freedom of speech and censorship started[i] but people back-up their data and deleted their blogs. The exodus of active users, one star reviews in the app stores and steeply dropping numbers of blogs and app downloads apparently hit Tumblr so hard that they were forced to release a spurious statement that they would not be deleting but instead hiding stuff and that people can still leave their content on the platform – though nobody could see it anymore. Naturally this did not stop people from leaving Tumblr. At this moment a number of different websites are competing for the users looking where to display and consume their porn elsewhere, but no major one has emerged yet.

Being a big opponent of Facebook’s policies, I never used any of their services, including WhatsApp and Instragram. I have been on Twitter for ages, first with a vanilla account and when I started to set up ToyTorture.com with a kinky account. Tumblr followed some time later when I realized that Twitter was not the best place to present kinky pics. 

Tumblr opened up a whole new world of kink to me. The aesthetic inspired me for pictures, the play setups gave me ideas which toys to get and the perversions sparked interests in trying out new things. It also quickly became an important social media channel for ToyTorture.com. Not only gave the large followership and reblogs my reviews a big exposure but the message and chat feature over time became the largest inbox for reader questions. Since this website is my love child, a single-person operation into which flows a lot of my time, sweat, tears and love, knowing that a lot of people read what I write and getting feedback from my readers means a lot to me. Tumblr helped with that.

Last but not least, the affiliate links for Mr S, Regulation and E-Stim Systems I posted under the posts created a little flow of store credit. It was always my plan to make ToyTorture.com an ad free website to keep it independent. Despite all the critic I get for “promoting” certain products and manufacturers through Desiderates and Christmas gift tips, etc. it is still my personal taste and my wishes as a private person, pervert and toy collector which influences the toy selection and not some corporation urging me to post stuff in order to make money. Because of that, ToyTorture.com actually costs me some money for the server and despite a little stream of review samples a lot of money to buy the toys I review. The affiliate programs gave me store credit help me to buy stuff people are keen in reading a review about even when I am not that interested in the toy that I would spend my hard earned money on it. With Tumblr dying, I am certain my affiliate income will drop and thus limit the range of toys I will be able to review.  

At the time when this blog post will be published, my Tumblr account is still active. I am astonished how many surprisingly sexual pictures are still visible to the public. But still… Tumblr feels barren these days. For years, the Tumblr app on my tablet was my go-to app when I was up WAY too early because of my insomnia. After the purge it is still a collection of hot pics but a lot is missing. It does not feel whole(some) anymore. Having “only” lost 25% of my followers and actually gaining new ones every day (probably flocking to the blogs which still have a decent amount of original pictures), it would probably still be worth to put content on there. On the other hand, the entire controversy spoiled my mood to post content there.

So I guess, I should delete my blog, taking a stand against SESTA and FOSTA and the frightening amount of sex-negativity and conservatism creeping into many societies these days by attacking Tumblr where it hurts them the most: Their ad revenue. To start the new year with a clean slate, I will be deleting ToyTorture.tumblr.com on January 1st 2019.

All the content I posted on Tumblr will probably surface somewhere else as soon as the dust has settled and a new major place-to-be for all the perverts will emerge. In the meantime, follow me on Twitter for content and the latest update where to find my smut. And if you are planning to buy something at Mr S Leather, Regulation or E-Stim System, take a detour over my website and click on one of the links in this article or the banners on the right sidebar. You comments, retweets and affiliate clicks keep ToyTorture.com alive. Thank you for your support and see you soon – where ever this will be.

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[i] By definition, a private company can not censor content or violate the freedom of speech. It is their right to decide which content is allowed on their platform. The freedom of speech only applies towards the government which must not forbid specific things to be said or published.

On Reviewing Anal and Breath Control Toys

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Welcome back from the hiatus guys. Despite being short it was a greatly needed time to recover, gather new ideas and just relax. You all can look forward to some exciting new stuff coming in the next couple of month.
I also took the time to think about ToyTorture.com. In a couple of weeks this website will celebrate its fourth birthday. Four years ago I was already working hard on producing content, designing the layout and struggling with WordPress. It has been tremendous four years. If you would have told me where this website and its social media channels would be today and what doors it would open for me, I would have laughed at you, calling you an even bigger day dreamer than I am. I also would have hardly believed that this project would still be running, bringing me a lot of fun, joy, work and most of all in touch with interesting people! You, the readers of ToyTorture.com, your questions, comments and criticism motivate me to keep writing, showing that this website has indeed become a trusted and respected resource in the kink community.
In the past four years the readership and I has changed. I started this website as the resource I was always looking for when I started out in BDSM: A place to provide information on which are the best toys to buy for a certain scene. So my core readership was BDSM players. But as I got more successful perverts, kinksters and pet players of all walks of life started reading my little website and sending questions in, asking for reviews of toys for their kink.
The premise of ToyTorture.com was always that I would only review toys that – in theory – I would like myself (in the review process it could always come up that the toy is horrible). There are so many toys and manufacturers out there that this was the only somewhat reasonable heuristic how I – with limited time and money – could choose which toys to review. Looking back four years ago, I was not into anal play at all. Looking at my xTube channel… well… things have changed. So in the next couple of month I will break with the paradigm that I won’t review toys without added play value. I have selected some high quality, ass busting toys which I am looking forward to test for you. Since I can’t apply the usual criteria I use for BDSM toys it will be an interesting  experience for me to see how I  will be reviewing these toys.
Another category of toys I have been ignoring in the past four years were breath control toys. I simply consider breath play a too potentially dangerous for of play to „spark some interest for spontaneous trying out a new kink“ (something I hear often from readers who read my texts). But on the other hand people will try out breath play regardless if I write about it or not. So after much consideration I decided to at least will write some intro on breath play providing pieces of information how somewhat safely approach this extreme form of kink.
I look forward to continue bringing you fun, interesting and educational content, hearing your feedback and make ToyTorture.com your primary resource on BDSM toys.

ToyTorture.com is going on hiatus

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For those who follow me on Twitter might have picked up in the last couple of weeks next to kink my master thesis was a major thing on my mind. Next to writing my thesis I worked at the company I wrote the thesis for, was looking for a job and kept ToyTorture.com running publishing some of the most successful content yet. This morning I brought the thesis to the printer and with handing it in tomorrow my work contract ends.

As much time I now should theoretically have to publish content as much have the last couple of weeks taken its toll: The quadruple workload have left me a bit exhausted so I am leaving for a vacation later this week. Also:  I had way too little quality play time with BDSM scenes so I did not have the opportunity to gather experience with new toys. For these reasons I take a little hiatus and will return probably in the middle of August with some awesome toys and  interesting projects in the pipeline.

In the meantime: I hope  to see, meet and maybe play  with some of you during Folsom Europe in Berlin. Enjoy your summer and don’t get caught when you get down and dirty outdoors 😉

My Weekend with Grindr

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My First Grindr Pic

My First Grindr Pic

I know I sometimes been a late adoperter yet I want to share this little experience with you.

For those who don’t know Grindr: It is a smartphone app that lets you find gay and bisexual men in your vicinity based on your current location data. I downloaded the app several times over the course of the last few years but never really used and thus quickly deleted it again. Last weekend there was an annual pop music festival in front of my dorm that attracts a four figure crowed and I thought “Maybe some cute boys make their way out to Lüneburg. So why not give Grindr a decent try?” So I downloaded the app on Friday morning and was excited to see what the weekend would bring.

The Offer

The major gay dating and actually social media platform I am using is PlanetRomeo. It is the major gay dating website in Germany. All my friends are on there, it is our main communication platform. There profile data you can enter is very detailed (though I would like to have more detailed kinky sex options), you can write a novel as a profile text and as a plus user you can upload as many pictures as you want to. So to a certain degree I feel I can create a to a degree authentic and deep picture of me. So creating a Grindr profile was a bit difficult. You can enter a nick name that most user don’t bother doing, the stats hardly go beyond rough physical  data, there is a small headline that can easily be overlook and you can write three lines as a profile text. The major selection criterion to click on a profile is the picture. So I put a lot of thought into choosing the right one (and replacing it quite frequently). The picture should at best represent me, my interests and what I am looking for on the platform. So I chose this because it has rubber, a little bit of red (I honestly didn’t think I would find BDSM dates there yet a fisting scene is quickly negotiated) and was very popular on PlanetRomeo. Once I uploaded it, I thought about replacing it. Since it is the only picture out there potential dates see I wanted them to see my full face and especially my glasses because that is the thing that for some weird reasons put the most people off online.

My Second Grindr Picture. Please, not comments

My Second Grindr Picture. Please, not comments

Grindr doesn’t have a website where you can alter the profile (or I haven’t found it yet). So I have to transfer pictures to my tablet and upload it from there onto the app. Because I was lazy and lay in bed I chose to take another picture out of my PlanetRomeo profile. Well… You don’ t have to tell me that I need new and better soccer gear pics. So that picture was on briefly on Grindr.

Next attempt: A picture from my more “civilian” PlanetRomeo profile (yes, I have more than one) taken the Sunday after Munich Pride 2015 relaxing next to the pool of a friend. A good picture of me, I like it a lot BUT: Again, you can’t tell from the picture that the sunglasses are correctional ones, I appear way slimmer than I actually am and I don’t have a Mohawk anymore.

Last profile picture change for now: In leather but rubber, too much top appearance but up to date and a better picture of me. So I stuck with it.

My Third Grindr Picture

My Third Grindr Picture

The Range

The first impression of the users: Everybody has a sixpack. Seriously: Everybody looked like a model on there, had sexy smiles, a bit of scruff. That was intimidating since I would have to “compete” with this gorgeous men for dates. At least theoretically because the majority of them lived in Hamburg or Hannover. Almost nobody lived close by and despite my expectations there was not rush of Grindr users coming to the music festival.

It took me some time to figure out that you can filter the users displayed by different criteria also so called “Tribes” which are scenes you can associate yourself with. I choose “Leather” as a filter assuming that this would be the most likely group I find interesting guys in. That made the distance problem even worse! Apparently there are nearly no “leather” guys in Hamburg and even Berlin fell short. The next large number of leather guys was in London. Also: I now learned that I was completely overdressed in my profile picture. Almost nobody wore gear. Again: Six packs and scruffy smiles with perfect teeth everywhere. I would have at least expected some bears or leather daddys yes nothing.

My Fourth and Final Grindr Picture

My Fourth and Final Grindr Picture

The Sales Pitch

I didn’t contact anybody I saw there. They were all out of my league and I was way too intimidated and afraid to get the usual “How does a guy like you think a guy like me would be interested in someone like you?!” So I simply waited. Five people actually messaged me. One was a bot. I was genuinely surprised that from being online for a weekend that only one bot messaged me. From what I have heard about Grindr I was ready to block user by the hour. So they finally got that sorted out which is a plus.

The other four messages were on one side expected: They were subs looking for a top, too horned up to read my profile text. What did surprise me was the distance: People were writing to me from Switzerland, Scotland and the south of France. So much for a location based, vicinity oriented app. But these chats quickly died after the realized they were not getting what they were looking for.

Honestly I was a bit disappointed at the end of the weekend. My image of Grindr was largely shaped by Grindr Fails posted by friends and corresponding accounts on Twitter. But nothing. No hilarity or anecdote happened. Maybe I am not good-looking enough to attract a… colorful crowd.

The Check

So what is the conclusion after a weekend on Grindr? An unspectacular one. I get more new contacts on Recon which is not that big in Germany and the contact quality even on Tumblr is higher. Maybe people with the body of an Adonis who live in really big gay centers like Berlin or large cities in the USA actually get laid using Grindr. I might give it another shot at a big kinky event like Folsom Europe but for now I can very live without it. If you want to get in touch with me hit me up on Recon, PlanetRomeo, Twitter or Tumblr.

Preserving the Burning Fire – On Outgrowing and Passing on Toys

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S&M stands for sexual magic

– Patrick Califia

Passing on toys and gear has a long tradition in the BDSM and fetish community. One of the reasons for that is the concept of energy transfer during a scene. What happens during play is more than just the exchange of mental or physical force between the top and the sub. An intense connection between them is formed that consists out of more than the sum of its parts (If you are curious about this more spiritual aspect of BDSM I recommend the works of Marc Thompson or Joeff Mains). For some people this connection is the origin of headspace, for some the sole reason they engage in BDSM and certainly an intense, overwhelming and mind-shattering experience when you experience it for the first time.

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The First Restraints I have ever bought: The McHurt Ihsan Wrist, Ankle and Boots Cuff and Hand Suspension Restraints

The concept of energy exchange also includes that some of the energy of the players stays in their gear and toys. For that reason some pieces of gear or toys are special and dear to perverts and not easily parted with. Most often floggers, boots or bar vests are considered to be special in that way. In my case three pairs of McHurt restraints are that way. They were among the first things I reviewed for this website and liked them a lot. It feels, they have been with me forever. But when I looked up the order date for writing this article I was stunned: I had only bought them in early December 2011. Not even half a decade felt like a life time. This illustrates really well what they mean to me. All the fun, experiments, surprising experiences and intense emotions are somewhat bound to them. Yet as I matured as a kinkster I outgrew them. While I still stand to my 3 ½ year old review and consider them a good pair of restraints to start out with I want more: More padding, more D-rings, more build quality, more features. So I choose the Fetters Padded Locking Wrist and Ankle Cuffs from Regulation to replace them.

This evaluation process happened with some toys over the last year. I looked at them and realized I haven’t been using them in a long time; saw no real play scenario for them anymore so I sold them to friends, to strangers, to anybody interested. These restraints were different. They not only represent for me the scenes I had in them but also my getting serious about BDSM: Committing to my longings, considerably investing money in this part of myself and somehow giving my desires a physical representation. Yet despite all these arguments I decided to pass them on. As soon as I would get the new ones the old ones would become an exhibition piece. Laying in my toy chest, reminding me of good times and fond memories. But like an instrument not being played anymore, they would be a dead accumulation of matter, slowly fading away, losing all the energy stored in them. So giving them away just by chance was no option! They are too special for me to see them disappear out of my life. Ultimately I decided to give them to a young pervert who is slowly exploring his desires, being just like me 4 ½ years ago willing to commit to his dreams and turn them into reality. So these special pieces will continue to live on in the BDSM scene until he outgrows them and hopefully then passes them on to someone special just like I did.

As important as these restraints are to me I am lucky that I am not parting completely from them: The set I ordered back then also included a pair of boot restraints, large enough to even fetter MX boots. A toy I have not seen elsewhere yet and thus I am keeping it: For memory sake, for current play, for future times when this mythical and mind-blowing bond between top and sub manifests again.

Hail thee who play

– Michael McClure