Largo & Horse Dildo

Toy Properties

Form: Realistic & Animal Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s Toys

Construction

All Mr Hankey’s anal toys are made out of platinum silicone. This material is 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and are easy to clean. I usually put my toys in hot water with dish soap and sanitize them afterwards for good measure. This is a quick and easy way to get the toys clean and sterile again between partners at a play party. But you can also throw them in the dishwasher or autoclave them. In order to keep the surface in this condition, never use silicone based or hybrid lube with silicone toys because they will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys. Being easy to clean is a great feat because silicone is slightly sticky. It thus attracts dust and flint extremely easily.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Large & Horse Dildo

Mr Hankey’s Toys chose this material not only because it is easy to handle from a production point of view but also because it easily takes on coloration. Until two years ago, MHT was famous for the dual-coloring with a solid color core and a contrast color shell. This pours very extremely complex and sadly have been discontinued. They have been replaced with split colors (on the Horse Dildo) or marbles (on Largo) which are also interesting and beautiful.

The toys from Mr Hankey’s Toys come in two firmness degrees. The firmer is called “Medium” which is about the firmness of a fully hard penis. This makes texture more intense but also reduces the flexibility of the shaft. While I usually enjoy firmer toys, due to the nature of Largo and the Horse Dildo, I would not recommend getting either one in Medium but go for the softer “75%” firmness. Even when they mare the toys a little bit harder to control because they flop around more. Mr Hankey’s offer custom firmnesses for $15.95 which I have never tried. I would only recommend this if you have a large collection of anal toys already and can imagine how a toy will feel in a certain firmness! Because the larger the toy, the firmer it will feel! So be careful not to over- or in rare cases undershoot.

The Vac-U-Lock along with the Dust Problem every Siliconme Toy has

An add on I always recommend is the Vac-U-Lock hole for just $4.95. The system was originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines but both of these toys are too big and too heavy to be attached to fuck machines. But in the past years a number of nifty accessories came out for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one.

The Texture on Largo’s Shaft

Playing with the Largo & Horse Dildo

Both toys have very telling names. Largo is large. Very large! With almost 410mm of insertable length and a diameter of 70mm it is made for serious depth player.

The glans has a nice smooth dome shape. It could have taper a little bit more and get more cone-shaped to open up the two sphincters more easily and gradually. The glans rim is slightly slated and there is a considerable drop of about 6mm which leads to a nice popping in sensation – especially beyond the second sphincter.

The shaft is heavily textured with many thick and high-rising veins. Below the glans there is a small cluster of ridges of cut foreskin. There is a slight, almost unnoticeable ventral groove. Due to the texture, riding Largo is a very stimulating experience. There is not increase of diameter so once the hole has relaxed and got accustomed to the size, you can focus on the texture which will massage both sphincters. Especially when going deep, the sensitive colon walls are subjected to an interesting and intense massage. This kind of sensation are rarely found because most thick depth toys are just smooth or have a big – flared – glans (see below) on which the sensations are focused so Largo offers something truly unique. Every kind of stimulation causes tensing up so riding Largo deeply HARD can be a challenge due to the colon trying to push him out instead of letting him in deeper. For really experienced players who use excessive amounts of lube and play with a partner, turning Largo is very hot experience. But be very careful when doing it! Parts of the toys can stick to the colon wall when drying up so turning him can cause heavy injuries!

Largo’s Tapering Glans

As you see and as I wrote in the beginning: Largo is not a toy for novices who just start out with depth play but for experienced players. If you can take Largo, you can take a medium fist DEEP because there is little size difference. Theoretically you can order Largo in Medium firmness but I would strongly advise against! Through the large diameter even the 75% firmness is borderline firm for going around the bends and kinks of the colon. Only one really skilled and trained testee could take my 75% firm Largo completely. Large is one of the few toys where getting a custom firmness – or rather softness – can increase the fun you have with the toy. Though keep in mind: The softer the toy, the harder to handle.

Some might just be intrigued by Largo’s texture, don’t care if they can take him completely and thus order him in Medium to make the texture more noticeable. Coincidentally a friend of a friend has Largo in Medium. It is a club! He is very hard to ride because it stands so tall and too heavy for fucking machines. If you like texture I would rather recommend the Lampwick in Medium instead of Largo. An important thing to consider is that both in Medium and 75% Firmness Largo will not stand up straight but always tips over making him a big hard to ride.

The Horse Dildi’s Blunt Glans

I rarely have ever encountered a so bluntly named toy as the Horse Dildo. It is just what is says: An anatomically more or less correct horse dick – at least according to veterinarian friend of mine.

Unlike on their Centaur toy, the glans is quite flat and only lightly domed. The glans rim is textured with bumps around. These bumps are almost the only added girth to the shaft so this toy is unflared.

Like Largo the shaft is column-like straight – except the horse-characteristically medial ring 2/3 down the shaft. This ring is only a slight ridge around the shaft so more of a depth indicator than a stimulating feature. The entire shaft is textured with very thin lateral ridges giving the toy a nice but not too intense texture.

The Horse’s Balls Float About 10mm Above the Ground

The base features two massive, anatomically correct balls. They give the top a good grip to hold onto and increase the immersion. But their lowest point is about the bottom of the shaft’s base. This makes the toy tip over easily because the big glans makes it already head-heavy. The Horse Dildo would have been easier to ride and control if the balls would have added to the base’s footprint.

Like Largo the Horse Dildo is not for novices. Event the smallest size aptly called “large” has a glans diameter of 72mm. Getting your anus to open up to an almost flat 72mm diameter disk is something that takes a lot of training. Taking the toy deep due to the long insertable length is an art. Once inside the shallow texture gently massages the anus instead of heavily stimulating it. So my verdict it, is you ever wanted to take a dildo that comes close to nature’s original both shape- and size-wise, the Horse Dildo is one of the smaller entries into this realm. But still a challenging one.

The Small Size Difference between the Glans and Column Shaft

Again I would not recommend getting this toy in Medium firmness. You need the softness of 75% for the sphincter to open up. Everything else is almost madness.

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey’s sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis (if you register for their newsletter they have an individual birthday promotion for example) so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. Being one size only Largo costs $189.95 plus customization while the Horse Dildo starts at $159.95. Custom solid colors costs $29.95, a marble $39.95, custom firmness $15.95.

Cutler X, Ray Diesel, Horny Rhino & Cockadile

Toy Properties

Form: Realistic & Fantasy Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone
Colors:
Various standard and many Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s Toys

I wanted to review these toys early next year so you can start out with FFun in the dark months following the candle-lit holidays. But since next Friday is Black Friday and apparently many of you want to stock up, I have gotten many questions about these toys. So I decided to review these for big and challenging brutes today before switching to bondage gear for the Advent Sundays how it has become a beloved tradition.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Ray Diesel, Cutler X, Cockadile & Horny Rhino

Construction

All toys by Mr Hankey’s Toys are made out of platinum silicone. This material is 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and is easy to clean. In order to keep your silicone toys in top shape, never use it with silicone or hybrid lubes! The silicone oil inside the lube will tarnish the surface and disintegrate the material over time! Water- and oil-based lubes are fine. After play, the toy should be thoroughly cleaned. Putting them in hot water with dish soap and sanitizing them afterwards is usually enough. A lazy way is putting the dildos in a dishwasher or autoclave them.

The Vac-U-Lock Hole at the Bottom of the Horny Rhino

Silicone comes in a wide range of firmnesses. Off the rack Mr Hankey’s Toys come in two firmness degrees. The firmer is called “Medium” which is about the firmness of a fully hard penis. If you enjoy texture like me, this is the one to pick, especially if you want to feel the real deal with a realistic dildo. The softer variety is called “75%”. 75% is popular with longer toys because they bend more easily around the bends in your colon. However, the softer the toy, the easier they collapse and the harder they are to ride. In the end it comes down to personal taste if you prefer your toys to force your sphincter open or to pop through. Mr Hankey’s offer custom firmnesses for $15.95 but I have never tried that. I would only recommend this if you have a large collection of anal toys already and can imagine how a toy will feel in a certain firmness! Because the larger the toy, the firmer it will feel! So be careful not to over- or in rare cases undershoot.

Another great material property of silicone is that it takes on coloration easily for vibrant colors that don’t fade over time.  Depending on the toy, it comes in only one standard color (Cutler X in Deep Brown) or up to five (Horny Rhino & Cocikadile in Gunmetal Grey, Metallic Green, Black, Deep Brown & Natural Tan) from which you can choose with no surcharge. For $29.95 you can get custom colors or color combinations. Mr Hankey’s Toys used to make gorgeous fades where a contrast color was poured over a solid colored core. Sadly they stopped these extravagant designs and now do marbles. For the Cockadile I tried a reptile like Green & Brown marble and for the Ray Diesel a Black & Yellow. And I like both a lot!

The different Bases

While custom firmness and colors are a nice option, I highly recommend getting the toys equipped with a Vac-U-Lock hole for just $4.95. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. If you play with a partner, he can also put his finger inside the hole to guide the toy.

Cutler X

This dildo is a life-cast toy from the famous gay porn star Cutler X. Because of this, it only comes in one size. And that size is also plenty of dildo. If you every fantasized of getting plowed by Cutler X or need a silicone dong to ride while watching his porn, this toys is the way to go!

It starts out with a nicely tapered glans which ends in a double bulge rim and no glans drop. The shaft is almost perfectly straight and opens up a bit in width a bit but not in depth. It is lightly textured with shallow veins. Two massive balls form the big and sturdy base.

Comparing the Glans of the Ray Diesel & Cutler X

If it wasn’t for the massive size, I would call the Cutler X a good beginner’s toy. The tapered glans gradually opens up the anus and the straight shaft is perfect to get used to the feeling of getting fucked. But since it is a relatively big toy, you should have some experience to enjoy it. If you have this experience level, the Cutler X is a great dildo to put on a fuck machine and get plowed for hours. The shallow veins and ridges are perfect for stimulating the many nerve endings inside the anus, especially in medium firmness. Since the shaft has an oval intersection, it is a good dildo for opening up the hole. Simply twist and turn it while slowly fucking the bottom in front of you in the sling.

Much like the XXXCalibur (link to review) the Cutler X is good toy for depth training. Unlike the XXXCalibur the Cutler X has a massive base and it not head-heavy so it does not tip over. Because of this it is perfect for riding the toy and applying just the right amount of pressure when stretching your second hole.

The Cutler X costs $149.95 at MHT’s online shop.

Dimensions Glans Dimensions Middle Dimensions above Base Insertable Length Overall Length
60x57mm 72x62mm 69x68mm 282mm 350mm

Ray Diesel

Like the previous toy, the Ray Diesel is a life-cast dildo from the eponymous power top. Unlike the predecessor it comes in five sizes so you can adjust the dildo you are getting to your experience level.

The Light Texture of the Cutler X & Ray Diesel

At the top there is a dullish glans with a big and wide glans drop and bulgy transition to the shaft. The most striking feature of the shaft is its form: It is SO wide that I would almost call it oblong instead of oval. It also strongly curved. Except one bumpier vein on the top right side in the middle, the veins are even shallower and thus the texture more subtle than on the Cutler X. The ball sack forming the base is again massive. Apparently Mr. Diesel has so bug bull balls that you can hardly make out the individual testicles in the cast of his scrotum.

To make a long story short: The Ray Diesel is a butt buster! The glans with its dull tip and big drop pushes the anus open instead of gradually coercing it to open up. Over the first half of the shaft, its width increases by 30% which is a massive stretch over such short distance, also giving the rectum little rest during the process. Taking the Ray Diesel completely is a different challenge, especially in the larger sizes. Due the curvature, it has quite the strong orientation and “spring” to it. If your second hole does not lie in the direction of the dildos, its tendency to return to its cast shape will make taking it deep even more difficult than the dull glans would imply.

Riding the toy is a unique experience: If you ride it like getting fucked, the dildo enters the anus perpendicular to the natural orientation of the anus, stretching your hole HARD. If you let the dildo enter in the orientation of the anus, the curvature will push the shaft against the anus. So regardless of the orientation, the Ray Diesel will challenge your hole.

The Massive 4:3 ratio of Ray Diesel’s Shaft

In the right hands and right hole, the Ray Diesel is a toy for a steep hole opening regime. Push it in in the orientation of the hole and then slowly turn it. Due to the absurd width-depth ratio of almost 3:4 twisting only a bit will already put a lot of pressure on the anus.

Even when you are a greedy ass pig, don’t be too ambitious and let yourself be misled by the size information. The shape of the dildo makes it considerably harder to take than similarly sized dildos. Looking for a big and challenging dildo I went for the XXXL in Medium firmness since it didn’t look too big, especially compared to some of my – firm – fantasy dildos. But I can hardly take half of it and it is a quite straining experience. So my advice is to choose a smaller size if you look for still heavy but manageable FFun.

The Ray Diesel comes in five sizes starting at $129.95 for the small and ending at $219.95 for the XXXL plus extras.

Size Dimensions Glans Dimensions Middle Dimensions above Base Insertable Length Overall Length
Small 39x41mm 54x43mm 55x44mm 180mm 231mm
Medium 47x49mm 66x52mm 68x54mm 219mm 273mm
LG/ XL 54x57mm 75x59mm 76x61mm 249mm 311mm
XXL 61x64nn 84x66mm 86x68mm 279mm 343mm
XXXL 68x71mm 96x74mm 96x76mm 311mm 385mm

Horny Rhino’s Glans

Horny Rhino

Unlike the to previous toys, the Horny Rhino isn’t a life-cast toy. It isn’t even sculptured after a rhino penis (doing zoological research for these reviews is… interesting). But nevertheless, it is a literally a horny toy to play with!

It starts with a dullish glans that looks like peaking out of foreskin. The foreskin rim is textured with little bumps. From the bottom of the foreskin two thick strains wrap around the shaft to the front. In the middle, the shaft bulges outward a bit. To add even more girth, there are two thick lateral strains. This leads to a basic shape of two bulges being stacked on top of each other if you look at the dildo from the top. The shaft ends in a pocket-like sheath which is a final, massive stretch before you can rest on a wide round base. The entire dildo is textured with horizontal folds and wrinkles. To add even more texture, there are several medium-thick veins running perpendicularly.

The Texture and Complex Shape of the Horny Rhino

The Horny Rhine is a toy for texture junkies! The many crossing over textures on the shaft stimulate – or torment if riding the toy quickly – the anus.  The complex shape leads to a wave-like flow of stretch and tightening which stimulates the anus even more. This is of course best enjoyed lying in a sling or being in doggy position and a top handling the toy. Twisting the toy inside the bottom adds a new layer of possible sensations. One top managed to prostate milk his chaste sub with the strains. To fully enjoy this overflow of sensations you should be well-stretched. The dull glans does not make taking the toy easy and the texture will make the anus tighten up again.

Surprisingly, the Horny Rhine goes deep relatively easily (if you second hole opens up to the dull glans and does not clench due to the stimulation). The complex shape of strains and bulges create predetermined bending points for the dildo following the rectal anatomy. So even my medium firmness Rhino dildo went deep easily.

You can get the Horny Rhino in four sizes from small starting at $129.95 to XL for $192.95 + extras at the MHT online shop.

Size Diameter Glans Diameter Fist Bulge Diameter Second Bulge Diameter Third Bulge Insertable Length Overall Lenght
Small 42mm 48mm 56mm 58mm 209mm 235mm
Medium 50mm 57mm 67mm 70mm 251mm 277mm
Large 58mm 67mm 80mm 84mm 298mm 323mm
XL 72mm 79mm 93mm 96mm 337mm 368mm

The Different Textures on the Cockadile

Cockadile

Over the first waves of COVID alligators and crocodiles have gotten some cultural significance in the gay scene (Flat Fuck Friday anyone?). So it was only a question of time until the first reptile inspired dildo came out. And here we are with the Cockadile.

Basically this dildos is the stylized torso of a crocodile. It starts out with a pointy, snout-like glans. Following a short neck the shaft has the shape of a flattened barrel make the intersection oval. It sits on a round and wide base. While the shape sounds not spectacular, the texture is the highlight of this dildo! On top of the shaft runs a thin band of full-size scales worthy of an Hermes Birkin Bag. The flanks feature very small scales. To also make this side interesting, there are a number of bumps. The bottom is flat with wide ridges. Finally the glans is jagged and features small scales like on a real critter.

The Snout-Like Glans of the Cockadile

Due to the pointy glans the Cockadile is easy to take so it is a great to get into texture play. Unlike the Horny Rhine the basic shape is not that complex so it is easier to take and you can focus on the texture. The texture is complex and plentiful enough for an intense stimulation of the anus. The bumps on the side give a bit of added stretch but not too much to make the anus clench.  A beginner should take the dildo aligned with the anus to there is a more “scratchy” side (= the more textured top). If you are more experienced and lie relaxed in the sling, it is worth to let your top fuck you with the Cockadile perpendicularly. The big scales on top scratching the prostate is very hot! Similarly to the Horny Rhino the Cockadile is relatively easy to take deep because the snout bends quite easily.

Depending on the size, the Cockadile can be yours from the MHT online shop from between $129.95 and $208.94 plus extras.

Size Dimensions Glans Dimensions Middle Dimensions Above Base Insertable Length Overall Length
Small 44x41mm 58x53mm 54x50mm 209mm 241mm
MD/ LG 55x52mm 72x66mm 68x62mm 260mm 295mm
XL 66x62mm 87x79mm 81x74mm 311mm 345mm
XXL 76x71mm 100x91mm 94x85mm 359mm 404mm

Wine Rack Vertical as Dildo Storage

Life is what is happening while you make other plans. For the start of the new review seasons, I planned a very different post. But on Friday while cleaning up the playroom I tweeted about a simple new addition: A wine rack to store realistic dildos. This simple, quick & dirty tweet sparked SO much interest, that I decided to write about the apparently topic of interest.

I have bought a wine rack for soft, realistic dildos mostly from SquarePeg. Due to the size and soft firmness, they do not stand up or fall over easily. Lying down they take up a lot of space so I was looking for an ergonomically and economically storage solution which I hope to have found in this wine rack. As you will read it is far from perfect yet until now the best solution I have come up with. If you have a better one, please get in touch!

For

For easy cleaning and to avoid reaction between potential surface treatment of wood for example, I was looking for a plastic wine rack. This particular one is from mDesign and I ordered for 23.99€ off Amazon.de. I chose the light grey over the black one because at roughly 55€ the black was way more than I would spend on such an item. And since I indeed to put it inside a metal IKEA Hyllis shelf, the color actually fit.

Silicone is a very sticky material (flint on toy pics anyone?)! Unlike wine bottles, the dildos will stick to the rack, making rather the rack more than the dildo. Because of this I used zip ties to fix the rack to the shelf. This is far from perfect, does not stop all movement but in the end is sufficient. I briefly considered Velcro ties instead of plastic zip ties but neglected the idea for easier cleaning of plastic ones. There were very fancy and sleek racks out there. But since they do not have even improvised anchor points as my new one has, I did not buy them. Before you chose a rack, make should you have a plan how to connect the rack to the shelf in which it stands.

Especially soft silicone creases easily. Since I have bought this rack primarily for me SquarePeg toys, I accept that due to the weight of the toys and the edges of the rack and the zip ties, they will get creases. Most silicone toys will get creases over time (like when throwing a bunch of them in a bucket during play), but if you want to keep your toys in perfect mint condition this storage solution is not for you. Because of this wine racks made out of bent wire at the front and the back are not suitable! The entire weight of the toy will rest on these two small points which will then dig deep into the material. Also, the toy will slack and stick to the toy below making them impossible to pull out.BeinBeing a wine rack, it is also only a solution for roughly cylindrical toys (aka realist dildos) roughly the diameter of a wine bottle (up to Ø80mm) without too big base that aren’t too long. Just for fun I put a Mr Hankey’s Toys Lampwick Uncut XXL (too long, base blocks slot below), a Bad Dragon Terra XL (knot it too big, base blocks surrounding slots) and a Bad Dragon Austin (knot is too big and to heavy so it has to be balanced not to fall out) inside it and I think you see the problem. This is especially annoying since while Terra stands very sturdily on its base, the first and the last toy can almost only be stored lying down, taking up a lot of space yet are too big for the rack.

The same accounts for plugs! An Oxballs Pig-Hole XXL just fits into the rack; a Pig-Hole FF is too big already. The Topped Toys Gape Keeper fits up to size 100 or the SquarePeg Acorn up to L. But due to the stickyness, it is considerably easier to just store them standing upright in a shelf than storing them vertically in a rack like this one.

This is my wine rack fully stacked with head-heavy realistic dildos. As you can see, the bases overlap making them a bit difficult to pull out. Also, unlike on a shelf the top cannot see the dildo so he has to know which base belongs to which dildo. So this solution is far from perfect! But it is a huge improvement over trying to balance the dildos standing up and a number of them falling out when just grabbing one.

I hope this little review/ guide help you make up your mind what is the most effective and accessible storage for your dildos. Because after all: A toy you cannot reach easily will seldom be used!

Lampwick Uncut, Cyclops & Beowulf

Toy Properties

Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s Toys

Construction

It is surprising with toys from Mr Hankey’s: As soon as I post about the new toys on Twitter, I immediately get messages about the color combination! So let’s get this out of the way first: The Lampwick Uncut has a black core with lime green highlights. Since the black shines through the thin layer of line, you get this awesome cooper rust color. The Cyclops has the colors reversed with a lime green core and black highlights. Finally, the Beowolf has a yellow core and red highlights. These colors are an extra for $29.95. The look so bright because Mr Hankey only uses platinum silicone for their toys, a material that takes on color easily and which does not fade over time.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Beowulf, Cyclops & Lampwick Uncut

Beside being perfect for (multi)colored toys, platinum silicone is 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and are easy to clean. I usually put my toys in hot water with dish soap and sanitize them afterwards for good measure. This is a quick and easy way to get the toys clean and sterile again between partners at a play party. But you can also throw them in the dishwasher or autoclave them. In order to keep the surface in this condition, never use silicone based or hybrid lube with silicone toys because they will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys.

The Glans of the Lampwick Uncut

The toys from Mr Hankey’s Toys come in two firmness degrees. The firmer is called “Medium” which is about the firmness of a fully hard penis. If you enjoy texture like me, this is the one to pick, especially on veiny dildos like the Lampwick. The softer variety is called “75%”. 75% is popular with longer toys because they bend more easily around the bends in your colon. However, the softer the toy, the easier they collapse and the harder they are to ride. In the end it comes down to personal taste if you prefer your toys to force your sphincter open or to pop through. Mr Hankey’s offer custom firmnesses for $15.95 but I have never tried that. I would only recommend this if you have a large collection of anal toys already and can imagine how a toy will feel in a certain firmness! Because the larger the toy, the firmer it will feel! So be careful not to over- or in rare cases undershoot.

The Vac-U-Lock Hole on the Beowulf

An add on I always recommend is the Vac-U-Lock hole for just $4.95. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one.

The first dildo of this trio I am going to look it is the Lampwick Uncut. As the name already hints, it is a realistic dildo. It starts out with a dullish, foreskin covered glans. The foreskin forms a little crinkled seam on top of the glans, so I guess Mr. Lampwick has a little phimosis. Since the foreskin smoothes everything out, the drop around the glans rim is a bit softer than on the original model. The shaft features a few thick veins and a significant ventral groove before ending in two massive, realistic balls. But following the smoother-than-the-original theme, the shaft is less textured than the Lampwick.

Cyclop’s Ripled Body

Cyclops’ name is also a bit telling because the toy starts out with a sphere that could be identified as an eyeball. Especially when looking at the pupil like molding in the top. Below the sphere is a long shaft textued with bulges which again has a vein texture on top. The base like on other fantasy depth toys is a thick and sturdy disc.

The Beowolf is a complex toy. The point glans has a big, bulgey glans rim. The shaft is lightly textured with a small patch of shallow ridges on top and a few veins and a massive ventral groove on the bottom. The lower half of the shaft is a four-bulge knot before the dildo ends in a anthropomorphic base.

Toy Name Size Diameter Glans Diameter Shaft/ Knot Insertable Length
Lampwick Uncut Small/Medium 51mm 54mm 229mm
Large 63mm 67mm 280mm
XXL 77mm 80mm 330mm
XXXXL 90mm 93mm 386mm
Cyclops One Size 65mm 57mm 318mm
Beowulf Small 34mm 65mm 229mm
Medium 40mm 73mm 260mm
Large 44mm 85mm 292mm
XL 53mm 97mm 330mm

Lampwick’s Big Balls as its Base

Playing with the Lampwick Uncut, Cyclops & Beowulf

The Lampwick Uncut for some time was the most requested anal toy review because the original Lampwick is such a popular dildo! This was due to the combination of heavily texture shaft, deep glans drop and very attractive sizing for both beginners and anal sluts. The Lampwick Uncut is a different yet related game. First of all: It is bigger! The Uncut’s smallest size is almost as big as the original’s Medium. This means it also goes deeper. A whopping 6cm deeper than the longest original! This growth is compensated with a bit “tamer” features. The glans despite being dullish tapers more to it opens up the sphincter more easily. There is not bit, abrupt glans rim drop but a smoothish transition to the shaft. The shaft still has a few veins and a massive ventral groove but not as prominent as the original. So all in all, it is the easier toy to ride and twist inside the hole. It will still stimulate the anus and the prostate a bit but not nearly as much as the Original. This makes the Lampwick Uncut a good intermediate’s training toy. Even the smallest version is still big and long! But it’s smoother curves help opening up the first and second sphincter. Since the Lampwick Uncut has fewer deep texture, it is actually a toy I would recommend in getting in 75% firmness if you want to train your depth.

Cyclops on the other hand I would always recommend in Medium. Mine is Medium and it can barely stand up. But the ripples which texture its shaft makes it bendy, allowing to reach all the spots deep inside the colon. In 75% it would be very limb and hard to ride!

Cyclop’s Tip

Unlike the Lampwick Uncut it is not a toy for untrained fistees, especially when you want to go deep! The sphere on top is not made for gradually opening up the second hole! Especially not with the texture of the pupil. Even when your second sphincter is trained and pre-stretch, the pop of the eyeball is intense and made some of my testees shriek – out of surprise and ecstasy. But once inside the Cyclops quietly makes his way deep into your colon while the ripples and veins of the shaft massage both holes. This is pure bliss! The thick base makes Cyclops very rideable so you can enjoy the sphincter massage on your own. But it is best enjoyed relaxing in a sling, completely focusing on the texture making your sphincters open up and close again. If you can take a lot, advice your top to twist and turn the toy for the veins to laterally stimulate you and make you scream in all the best ways.

Beowulf’s Glans

Again, last but not least, the Beowulf is a special case. It is a surprisingly good training toy that can grow with you, especially in medium and large size. The pointy glans is good for opening up the anus and the prominent glans rim can with a bit of training stimulate both anus and prostate. The upper half of the shaft gradually bulges so is kind of good for width training (though never as good as a dedicated plug).

Beowulf’s Knot

Once you reach the knot, you have come to a pivotal point. Knotting this toy takes depth experience! I highly recommend pre-stretching depth with a dedicated toy! Because the pointy, bulgy glans penetrating the second sphincter is an intense experience on its own. But then there is the knotting of the bulgy knot! Yes, a testee who was very experienced with width, used the Beowulf to train depth. But that is a very singular experience. If you want to go deep, you better be prepared for a mind-blowing experience. Since the glans is already so rugged and the knot has four bulges, the Beowulf’s intensity can be increased when turned inside the hole. But that is most definitively not for the faint of heart or inexperienced when an intense stimulation can lead to a tensing up!

But in the end, all things considered, the Beowulf is one of my favorite toys for knotting while going deep!

Lampwick’s Uncut Slightly Textyured Body

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis (if you register for their newsletter they have an individual birthday promotion for example) so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. Depending on the size and features, the Lampwick Uncut starts at $134.95, the Cyclops at $129.95 and the Beowulf at $119.95. Custom colors costs $29.95, custom firmness $15.95.

Anal Fist Training 101

tl;dr
Gentle fucking your anus with either the Organotoy Sit-Plug, SquarePeg Egg or the Topped Toy Gape Keeper with increasing larger sizes over time will make your hole fistable. Once you more or less easily take a firm Sit-Plug XL, Gape Kepper 93 or XXL Egg you should be able to take a medium size fist.

Ever since I started reviewing non-stim anal toys some 5 years ago, one of the most frequently asked set of question I have gotten is: How do I train my hole to take a fist? Which toys are best for the task? (For finding the perfect anal toy in general look here) Since review-wise I am still in hibernation it is the perfect time to write a comprehensive guide what toys and steps to take to get from a virgin or just dicked ass to a fist-greedy hole.

The SquarePeg Egg, Organotoy Sit-Plug & Topped Toys Gape Kepper, my recommended Plugs for Sphincter Stretch Training

Physiology and Psychology of Getting Ready to take a Fist

First, let’s talk about the bodily aspects of fisting. The anus is a ring sphincter, a muscle. In order to make it smooth and willing open up, you need to carefully stretch it on a regular basis. For this I recommend a tandem of two plugs: One the goes in relatively easily to initially open up your hole and make it smooth. The best way to achieve this and accustom your hole to the stretch sensation of a fist, I recommend a gentle fucking with the plugs. Once the hole is opened up then other one should be used to stretch your sphincter. This again is a pushing/ fucking movement against the sphincter until it becomes uncomfortable. Keep the pressure at that point for a short while, then release and push again. Which level of discomfort is acceptable and needed for a good training is highly individual. Approach it carefully, explore what feels right and keep in mind what I write about pain below!

When the larger plug almost goes in initially as easily as the smaller one and you can fuck yourself with it, it is time to make the larger one your start plug and buy a bigger one for stretching. The size difference between the two plugs should be about 10mm to max. 15mm in diameter for two reasons:

  1. If the plug becomes too large, the overall shape gets too “dull” and it just bluntly presses against the sphincter which will not entice it to open up (more in the perfect shape below).
  2. You need a sense of achievement once in a while. Dully pushing a toy against your hole without any noticeable progress gets boring over time and demotivates. But when after two or three weeks of training you finally conquer a toy, you feel accomplishment. Adding to that the awesome feeling when the light pain of stretching turns into pure anal pleasure, there is strong positive conditioning going on. This is the psychological element of hole training!

One Disadvantage of Silicone: It attracts Dust like Nothing Else (as Shown on the SP Hour Hour)

The stretching can cause a little dragging pain but must not be intense or pinching or sharp! That is the reason why I recommend hole training on your own because you can best control the degree pf force and angle in which the toy should enter. Furthermore, especially in the beginning your hole will be tender quickly. So a potential play partner will be disappointed. Training does also not need to take long! 10 to 15 minutes every two or three days is enough to make progress. Actually, regular stretching is way better than one hour-long session once every blue moon. And with stretching I mean the gentle fucking movement describe above. There is little training effect in long-term wearing of plugs. It is actually counterproductive. If you wear a plug for extended periods of time, your sphincter will contract again and the mucosa inside the rectum will absorb the lube. Pulling the plug out then, especially when you are untrained can be very painful and cause injuries! The anus can take quite the beating when being relaxed! But if not, it is a very delicate body area.

That is why I like to compare fist training to starting Yoga. When you start out, you might be disappointed how clumsy and stiff you are. But when you keep going, push yourself a little bit and within reason on a regular basis at some point you will be able to touch your toes. And the same way, if you keep to the training regime you ultimately will be able to take a fist.

It is hard to pin down an exact plug diameter when you will be able to take a fist. Small fists could have a very sturdy bone structure while large ones could collapse easily making them easy to take than a smaller one. Also, a human hand will never be as soft and smooth as the squishy silicone currently popular. So the softer the silicone, the larger the plug has to be. But a good rule of thumb is that somewhere around 75mm diameter you should be able a medium glove size hand.

It is important to keep in mind that like in training there is a psychological factor in getting fisting: Allowing another person push his or her fist through your sphincter takes a lot of trust and relaxation. It is not uncommon that the first fist is a strong mindfuck and needs to be taken out right away and the session is then over. Do not consider this a failure! Keep in mind that you can now take a fist and go back to this trail of though with confidence before your next scene. Do not stress out if it does not work out the second or third time right away or at all. Being able to take a fist a not a Boolean event but a wonderful journey you have just reached an important step but which is not nearly over! And there are wonderful things and experiences to explore along the way.

The Bad Dragon Vergil, a Fantasy Dildo good for Anus Stretchig

Choosing the right Toy

Plugs, Dildos & Fantasy Toys

A hand in initial fisting position (pressing all stretched out fingers together) has roughly a cone shape. The diameter gradually increases until the thumb knuckle and then tapers again until the wrist. This double cone-shape which causes a stretch both going in and going out is best recreated in plugs.

I often get asked “Can I also use dildos to train?” Of course you can but the training effect will not be as big. The stretch and training effect basically only occurs when the dildo enters the anus. A dildo is good for getting the anus used to being stretched to a certain diameter (and the friction of the fucking stimulating the many nerve endings inside the anus makes the training enjoyable) but helps little in the quest of taking a fist. There are some dildos which through the shape can help train like the SquarePeg Longneck or Mr Hankey El Rey. Dildos which taper towards the bottom and thus increase the stretch are not really useful because often before you get to a useful stretch you run into depth problems. This means that you need to penetrate the very sensible second sphincter where the colon enters the rectum. This is a challenge especially for deep fisting and definitely a story for another day.

Many people get into anal stretching because they like the looks or the mind play (I am looking at your Furries! ;)) associated with fantasy toys like from Bad Dragon, Neotori or KnotMe which are often on the larger side of the size spectrum. One of the distinctive features are they elaborate shapes and textures. Sadly, the more texture and the complexer the shape, the harder they are to take. So they are not good training toys. Of course there are exceptions like the Bad Dragon Vergil or their Egg. It is the closest you get to a pure training plug if you are a purely Bad Dragon afficionado but the base shape makes it hard to grip and almost imossible for longterm wear (If you want to learn more about finding the perfect anal toy and how to store and care for it, take a look at my Anal Toys 101).

Top View of the Egg , Sit-Plug and Gape Keeper to Compare the Steepness

Choosing the right Plug

As already written the training plugs should have a smooth and flowing conical shape both before and behind the equator so they easily go in and out. They should be made out of platinum silicone because its surface is super smooth and easy to clean. Finally, they should have an ergonomic base as a good handle when fucking and naturally come in a large number of sizes. These criteria meet three toys: The Organotoy Sit-Plug, SquarePeg Egg and the Topped Toys Gape Keeper. While the Sit-Plug has a slightly conical, the latter two have a long-drawn egg shape. Generally speaking an egg-shape is perfect for training. The cone-shape is a bit more demanding while the long-drawn stretches smoother and slower. Which one you should choose highly depends on your personal preference.

At Shore 00-34 Topped Toys uses slightly softer silicone which follows the current trend towards soft toys. With SquarePeg you have the choice of two firmness grades: SuperSoft (in their signature Bronze orange or a middle grey called Graphite) or Firm (only in black). And at Organotoy you can go crazy from soft Shore 00-30 up top ultra-firm Shore A30. The sweetspot is somewhere between Shore A3 and A10 because anything lower is very wobbely due to the Sit-Plugs thin neck; anything firmer is a real challenge. Personally, I prefer firm toys for training because the firm toys “force” the sphincter open a bit more easily (again, choose the force you are comfortable with and do not overdo it!) and the firmness is closer a human hand.

The Base and Neck of the Three Plugs Next to Each Other

The SquarePeg Egg slopes are steeper compared to the other two and thus goes in a bit more easily. The Topped Toys Gape Keeper is a little bit duller and barrel shaped so it comes a bit closer to simulating the challenge of the thumb knuckle. The Sit-Plug is duller below its maximum diameter. Due to this the plug locks a bit into the rectum and is abit harder to pull out. This is actually a good feature because it immitated the bottom of the human hand. So it is a good training for the moment when the top pulls out his hand. The SquarePeg and Organotoy base is a bit easier to grab but especially at sizes larger than XL a bit cumbersome. Both models come in a wide variety of sizes so you can find the perfect pairing of fucking+stretching plug. If you can, go to a store, touch and look at the toys to find which fit you best. Of course, my reviews of the OT Sit-Plug, SP Egg and TT Gape Keeper are also an excellent point to start 😉

Overview of the Three Different Colors and thus Firmness Degress of SquarePeg Toys

These toys are not inexpensive and I am aware that buying increasingly larger toys is an expensive route to take compared to cheap PVC toys but especially when you leave the realm of mass-commercial sizes (about 60mm diameter) there are not many well-shaped toys to continue your journey towards a fist (And do not get me started on heavy metals and plasticizers in PVC being absorbed by the mucosa in your rectum). Fisting is such a great experience so your hole should be worth it for you! Furthermore, these toy retain a somewhat good second hand value. Or you take my route and hand down some toys to eager bottoms starting the same journey I have been on and keep some if you want to train fistee in the making or need to open up a tense hole.

The SquarePeg Acron with Focus of its Bulge

Then approaching the 70mm mark, there is another toy I recommend for training: The SquarePeg Acorn. Its duller tip is a bit closer to the ergonomics of a hand in fisting position than the perfectly smooth taper of the Gape Keeper and Egg. The duller transition between the body and the neck is also closer to the transition between thumb knuckle and wrist. Around the rim runs a bulge designed to stimulate the prostate and anus which frankly is a challenge and makes taking the plug harder when you are not experience. But holy fuck! When you take it and are experienced enough to relax becomes that little bump a horny feature!

The Topped Toys Grip 106

Sometimes i get the questions if the Topped Toys Grip or more recently the Deep Space are good for training. To be frank, I have not yet played with them but looking at their shape and taking into account my experience with other toys, I would say no for the training aspect. The Grip starts out at a size range where you are almost in fist territory and its slopes are too steep (there is actually a sweetspot between steep- and dullness which is too complicated to explain here). On the Grip 96 and even the Grip 106 it looks a bit better. They could maybe work for training, I actually need to try them myself. But also these two have the very prominent edge around the equator which makes the pop going in intense and the pushing out challenging. This makes the toy interesting and horny for experienced holes but nothing for novices. If you like the shape though, buy them as inspirational toys. Because, you should always buy toys for the hole you want not the hole you have 😉

The Topped Toys Deep Space 70

The Deep Space as its name says is made for training stretch in the depth of the rectum and colon. Furthermore the tip is again shaped for more experienced holes which easily open up. So like the Grip, save the purchase for when you are fist-savvy or get it as playroom decoration to look at and aspire to when training yourself in the meantime.

Pharmacy

Douching

Ok, this is only in this section because you can buy clean-out accessories in the pharmacy. When training yourself, I would recommend not to overdo the douching because it irritates your anus and rectum, making it harder to open up. A thorough clean-out like before a good, heavy fucking should is enough. Yes, the fucking motion of the plugs can lead to some waste falling down. But this small thread it outweighed by the fact that you do not tired your hole out already in the bathroom.

When you get into serious fisting you will need to improve your clean-out routine. But still, you and your partner should always keep in mind where you put your hands. Accidents happen and are neither reason for drama nor for bottom shaming! Be adult about it, clean up, douche again, take a break and continue.  In my opinion, people who put down and shame bottoms for messy incident have not business of sticking their hands and dicks in rectums!

Two of my personally prefered Lubes for Anal Play

Lube

Lube is paramount! Too little lube can cause fissures and other accidents. There are some borderline cases (and with experienced players preferences) where there is too much lube. But especially when starting out with serious ass play, if you ask yourself “Should I add lube?” the answer is always “Yes!” When playing with silicone toys, you must not used silicone or hybrid lube because the silicone oil inside it will over time destroy your toys. The surface with become porous and sticky. I recommend water-based lube. There are countless brands available and actually two fister can talk for hours why which lube is the best. You just need to try. For the training the lube consumption will be relatively moderate. Since all powder lubes used for fisting go bad quickly, you should buy large and thus economic bottles of lube. My personal recommendations are Elbow Grease H2O Thick Gel or ID Glide because it stays in place on the toy but ever ass is different so give it a try.

Relaxants and Aftercare Ointments

There are many relaxation sprays and gels or even numbing ones out there. Stay away from them! The numbing effect will dull the pain you feel and thus an important indicator if you can still push on a bit or have to stop immediately! Injuries coming from being too forceful can keep you from ever enjoying any from of anal sex forever! So it is not worth it.

Heavy training can lead to mini fissures or stress-induced pain inside the sphincter. This is completely normal. For aftercare I recommend using baby diaper rash cream with panthenol and zinc oxide to help the small wounds to close and calendula and either chamomile or sage for a soothing effect. Even when you are a masochist, I recommend to wait with proceeding with the training until you have no pain in the anus anymore. Otherwise problems can escalate.

And finally a necessary word on semi legal and illegal substances. I will neither recommend nor demonize them because people will be using them anyway. Like relaxation or numbing gels they can greatly impair you ability to notice something is wrong. So especially when training, using anything more than poppers and THC which is relatively safe is very dangerous! If you decide to use substances educate yourself about the short and longterm effects and especially safe use. Never use them alone and try them with an experienced person you trust. Discuss your limits before hand and do not move/ let yourself be pushed further than you are comfortable with when you are sober.

I hope this article has helped you a bit to embark on the fun way to becoming a fistee! If you have any comments, Tweet or DM me or write an e-mail. Each feedback is appreciated.

Thor’s Hammer & Chorizo n‘ Eggs

Toy Properties

Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s

Construction

Both Thor’s Hammer and Chorizo n‘ Eggs are realistic toys, meaning they are modeled after a human penis.

The Mr Hankey’s Toys Chorizo n‘ Egg & Thor’s Hammer

Thor’s Hammer starts out with a steeply tapering, cut glans which has a diameter of 80mm. Missing the foreskin, the glans has a relatively steep drop below the glans rim. Just below the glans there is a narrow area of light bulges and grooves which resemble the scars of a circumcision.  At this area the shaft has a diameter of 74mm which then increases in size to 84mm above the balls. The 250mmm long shaft is textured with few yet thick veins and a big ventral groove. The base is shaped like two balls for a good grip when playing with Thor’s Hammer.

Like no man’s dick is the same, the Chorizo n‘ Eggs is a completely different game. The most noticeable difference is the foreskin over the glans through with the glans tip is peeking out. This leads to the glans being a bit dull. In addition is short and tapers shallower. There is a small drop below the glans. The shaft is almost textureless and in the first third reaches the maximum diameter and the lightly decreases in diameter before hitting the two big, bulgy balls which form the base. Unlike Thor’s Hammer which is a one-size toy, Chorizo n‘ Eggs comes in five sizes.

Size Diameter Glans Diameter Mid-Shaft Diameter Above Base Insertable Length Overall Length
Small 50mm 56mm 55mm 157mm 201mm
Medium 60mm 68mm 65mm 185mm 241mm
LG/ XL 70mm 79mm 75mm 216mm 280mm
XXL 80mm 90mm 85mm 243mm 305mm
XXXL 96mm 109mm 105mm 285mm 365mm

Detail of the Vac-u-Loch Holes

Material-wise both toys are similar. They are made out of platinum silicone, making the toys 100% body-safe, super-smooth and easy to clean. A little grain of salt is that silicone toys must not be used with silicone or hybrid lube. Both kinds of lube will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys.

Detail of Thor’s Hammer’s Veine Texture

Silicone is a material that can be colored easily and which color does not fade over time. As standard colors Mr Hankey’s only offers their dildos in black, natural tan or deep brown. However, for $29.95 you can get custom coloring, like the two-tones I have gotten mine in. Firmness-wise you also get only two choice. First there is Medium which is a bit firmer, about the firmness of a rock-hard dick. If you are a texture junkie like me, you definitely want to go this way because it makes every ridge and vein very noticeable! 75% firmness is a bit softer. It turns the texture into tantalizing massage spots and thus is more recommended for the novice. Mr Hankey’s Toys does offer custom firmness if you want the toys smoother or firmer. For only $4.95 a Vac-U-Loc hole can be added to every toy. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one – even if you don’t have the accessories. During play I stick my finger in the hole to control the toy more easily.

The Dullish Glans of Chorizo ’n Eggs

Playing with the Thor’s Hammer & Chorizo ‘n Eggs

I was inclined to say that Thor’s Hammer is a beginner’s toy – if it wasn’t for his size! The glans gradually open ups the sphincter for an easy initial insertion. The big glans drop however stimulates intensively both the anus and prostate when fucking vigorously all the way.

Through the gradual increase of shaft diameter, Thor’s Hammer does not challenge the hole diameter-wise. This is good because the texture is somewhat between a challenge and a delight for the experienced anal play. The veins both run lateral and perpendicular so regardless if you ride this dildo or have your top twist it in your hole, there will be an intense stimulation. Since there are so few but high-risen veins, you can feel each and every one of them. So despite the gradual increase, it is not a warm-up toy. The base actually surprised me a bit: I fear that the small diameter would make Thor’s Hammer hard to ride without a Vac-u-Lock suction cup. It turns out, in most solo play situations, the base does not break out easily. So it is a fun and convenient toy for solo play.

Thor’s Hammer’s Cone-Shaped Glans

While Thor’s Hammer is not for the faint of heart, Chorizo n’ Eggs is actually a good training toy – if you pick the right size for you. To be honest, the dull and short glans makes it a bit hard to initially take. Most of my (not so experienced) testees found a bit of pre-stretching with a plug useful. But since the maximum diameter sits in the upper third of the shaft, riding Chorizo n’ Eggs is good for training the sphincter to open up more easily. It is actually one of the few toys I would recommend to train an anus to open up for a fist. The dullish tip, cone-shaped glans and increasing and decreasing of diameter very loosely resembles how it feels to take a fit – of course in way shallower scale.

Chorizo ’n Egg’s Shaft with the max Diameter in the Upper Third of the Shaft

Compared to its length, Chorizo n’ Eggs is quite girthy, even above the base and despite the max diameter sitting way higher. Due to this, some of my testees found it the perfect toy to “sit on” without getting problems with their second sphincter – at least in the smaller size. Again, it is a good toy to train the sphincter to keep open. The shaft features little frills. This is good for a training toy which should be easy to take. But when playing with a partner, the toy quickly gets “boring”. So when you are looking for a toy to make your bottom squirm, I would recommend to look for a toy with a little more texture, like Mr Hankey’s Lampwick. But for solo play and especially training, the Chorizo n’ Eggs is great toy.

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. The Thor’s Hammer starts at $159.95 depending on how many extras you add, the Chorizo n’ Eggs starts at $124.95 and goes up all the way to $228.95 + extras.v

Best for Self Play – Anal Toys

The Mr Hankey Dragon and XXXCalibur

In the past few weeks I have been getting an increasing amount of questions and messages which toys are best for self play. So this little series of guides should help you navigate my many toy reviews and help you get safe, sane and sexually satisfied through these times. I try to update this little series so if you don’t follow me on Twitter, check tomorrow evening for the next installment.

Surprisingly, the most questions I have gotten followed along the line: “I can’t see my long distance relationship partner/ play mates/ fuck buddies anymore and I haven’t used my dildos in years. Any idea for a good dildo?”

Left SquarePeg Leo 2X, Right Mel 2X

If you are looking for a realistic dildo, one of my favorite toys of all of 2019 was the SquarePeg Mel because of the many different ridges around the shaft. However, they only make realistic dildos in their signature Supersoft silicone. And if you are a texture junkie like me who want to feel every vein, that might not be enough. For this, take a look at Mr Hankey’s Toys who make toys in soft and medium varieties and if that is not enough offer custom firmness. When it comes to realistic dildos, they are have a wide range from porn star dongs over John Doe dick to uncut underwear anacondas. Both companies are offering Vac-U-Lock holes for their dildos so you can attach them to fuck machines or other nifty accessories for self play.

Topped Toys Gape Keeper 100 & Chute 75

Apparently many of you are using their time at home to stretch and train their hole. Hands down the best toy for that is the SquarePeg Egg. It opens the hole smoothly both on the way in and on the way out. The Topped Toys Gape Keeper does the same job, however, they only offer their toys in soft silicone while SquarePeg also offers a firm version. Personally, I prefer firmer toys for stretching but maybe these times are the perfect opportunity to find out your preference. What both toys are great for are long-term wear.

The Organotoy Eggs from Small to XXL

For really LONG term wear and some fun when moving out and about, take a look at the OrganoToy Eggs. They are designed to be swallowed completely, giving you a nice sense of fullness and stimulate the sensitive nerve endings inside your rectum. If you want to wear them over extended periods of time, especially the smaller ones, please get a version with the pullout chain or rope to get them out securely even when they start to wonder up your colon. Another nifty feature of the pulling out is the prostate stimulation.

Vergil the Drippy Dragon as a Representation of Bad Dragon’s „Glans and a Knot“-Dildo Design ontop of an Anthropomorphic Base

This segways directly into the last category of this short overview: Prostate stimulation toys. I have to preferred prostate toy: First Bad Dragon’s Vergil the Drippy Dragon. The shape of head and body are PERFECTY for targeting my prostate and I have gotten countless anal and prostate orgasms from it. The other is the SquarePeg Acorn. The small, innocent looking ridge around the rim seems small but in the right hands and position will drive you nuts. And I am sure you now have enough time to find that perfect spot for you. And yes, of course there is the OrganoToys SAW for prostate milking. It is one of the most bizarre toys I have come across in my eight years of reviewing kinky sex toys. If you want something unusual and want to support a small, independent toy maker, give it a try.

Tomorrow I will take the look at E-Sim toys to pleasure yourself.

Centaur, Plumber & BFG

Toy Properties

Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Sokatik Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s

The Mr Hankey Plumber, BFG and Centaur

Construction

The Centaur is probably one of the kinds of anal toys I get asked most about: What is a good horse dick to train depth? I do not why people are so interested in that but I am here not to judge but to quench your horny thirst for answers. If the Centaur is THE best, I cannot tell. It is certainly the most realistic on the market. It starts out with a dome-shaped glans that allows for a slow and soft opening of the first and the second sphincter. The glans rim is textured with little bumps. The heavily though not deeply textured shaft then very gradually and softly increase in diameter until it reaches the preputial ring. That is a sudden increase in depth, 2/3 down the shaft which adds a lot of girth until it ends at a round, solid base.

Detail of Centaur’s Glans

The Plumber sits on the complete opposite of the toy length spectrum. It starts out with a large and massive natural cut glans. Below the glans rim is a massive, only slightly sloped drop. What follows is a short, almost cylindrical, slightly concave shaft that is textured with wide and thus soft yet deep ridges. At the end, there is again a round, solid base.

The third of the reviewed toys could almost be the synthesis of the previous two. The BFG’s tip is a nicely tapered almost realistic glans with bumps all around the rim. Starting from the frenulum are soft and size increasing scales running all the way down to the base. On the other side of the shaft are soft, flowing bumps. For the increase in diameter make three big bulges on the sides, the last one large and round enough to be considered an anthropomorphic knot, flanked by a cluster of bumps on each side. Below that knot there is only a short resting space until the toys flows into a round base.

Toy Size Diameter Glans Rim Diameter Shaft Middle Diameter Above Base/ at Knot Insertable Length
Centaur Small 44mm 47mm 69mm 248mm
Medium 53mm 55mm 77mm 279mm
Large 61mm 63mm 85mm 324mm
XXL 71mm 73mm 103mm 375mm
Plumber Small 57mm 55mm 53mm 127mm
Medium/Large 77mm 76mm 75mm 175mm
Large XL 105mm 101mm 99mm 226mm
BFG Medium 49mm 63mm 81mm 254mm
Large 53mm 67mm 85mm 279mm
XL 59mm 71mm 97mm 305mm
XXL 63mm 79mm 103mm 330mm

Detail of the Cenatur’s Vac-U-Hole

Mr Hankey manufactures all their toys out of high quality platinum silicone. Platinum silicone is a premium, more expensive material than other kinds of silicone which for example use tin as a catalyst to cure the silicone. This means all Mr Hankey toys are 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and are easy to clean. I usually put my toys in hot water with dish soap and sanitize them afterwards for good measure. This is a quick and easy way to get the toys clean and sterile again between partners at a play party. But you can also throw them in the dishwasher or autoclave them. In order to keep the surface in this condition, never use silicone based or hybrid lube with silicone toys because they will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys.

Silicone is a material that can be colored easily and which color does not fade over time. As standard colors Mr Hankey’s only offers their dildos in black, natural tan or deep brown. However, for $29.95 you can get custom coloring, mostly duo-tone fades like I got on the Cenataur and BFG but other designs are possible. It is a bit of an investment but since these toys are cheap, I recommend customizing them for this small fee because they turn out gorgeous and make your toy a bit of your own! If you need inspiration, browse Mr Hankey’s Twitter feed.

Detail of BFG’s Bumps & Bulges

Firmness-wise you also get only two choice. First there is Medium which is a bit firmer, about the firmness of a rock-hard dick. If you are a texture junkie like me, you definitely want to go this way because it makes every ridge and vein very noticeable! BUT for depth it can be too firm since it also impacts the bendiness. Because of that for larger sizes of the Centaur and the BFG I recommend their 75% firmness which is a bit softer. Mr Hankey’s Toys does offer custom firmness if you want the toys smoother or firmer. I have not tried that service but I would only recommend it for their fantasy toys. For only $4.95 a Vac-U-Loc hole can be added to every toy. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one.

Detail of Plumber’s Large Glans Rim Drop

Playing with the Centaur, Plumber and BFG

Trying to answer the question from the beginning of the review: If you are looking for a pure depth training toy, the Centaur is probably not the best option to go to. But is has many characteristics that makes it a great overall toy to explore and train depth. As already written, the glans is perfectly shaped to open up both sphincters. However, the texturing of the rim make taking the second sphincter a more intense experience than it could be. As you get more experienced and relaxed, twisting the Centaur’s head inside one of the sphincters is an intense yet tantalizing experience. The same accounts for riding the shaft: Since there is no untextured space, it takes a lot of lube and some experience riding it. But again, the texture is very subtle and the steady increase in diameter means, as you loosen up and slide down on it, there simulation continues in the same intensity. Expect of course for the preputial ring. This sudden increase in diameter can be a challenge, especially on the larger sizes because you usually focus on processing the intense feelings deep inside your colon and are not prepared to relax you anus so abruptly. However, again, as you train and get used to the toy’s characteristics, the preputial ring becomes a hot feature. Riding up and down the toy, you are alternating stimulating your first sphincter with the preputial ring or the second sphincter with the glans rim.

Detail of the Centaur’s Subtle Texture and Massive Preputial Ring

Speaking of riding the shaft: Handling-wise the Centaur is a good toy for depth play. The length-girth ration in combination with the thick solid base is keeping the toy from collapsing, making it perfect for riding and inserting it in a controlled manner.

If you try to apply the Centaur’s question to the Plumber, the answer is: Hell no! It is not a toy for the novice. While the realistic glans opens you up somewhat softly, if your hole is not used to opening up and release a plug, taking the Plumber out will the a ripping experience! The same accounts for riding the shaft. While the ridges are flowing and soft, especially in medium the are stimulating the many nerve endings inside the anus HARD. So it is definitely a toy for the experienced, loose and greedy hole which needs a challenge and rough treatment at the end of a fisting scene.

Detail of Plumber’s heavily Textured Shaft

As already written in the construction section, the BFG is the synthesis of both toys: Easy to insert, hard to master. I have gotten my Medium/ Large in Medium firmness which might has been a mistake. Yes, feeling the firmness of the bumps and ridges massage the sphincter as you slide down on the shaft, is very horny and intense. But through the heavily convex shape, the rigidity of the material makes it a bit hard to find the way towards the second sphincter. Though once inside, the deep yet not too complex texture and shape makes it a joy to ride. Unlike other fantasy toys, you are not overwhelmed with texture but can enjoy each and every bit separately. While the increase in diameter of each of the major bulges on the shaft’s side somewhat prepare you for the stretch of the following one, due to the texture it is not a training or warm-up toy! If you want to indulge into the BFG completely, I recommend preparing and relaxing your hole with toys that go a little deeper and stretch a little wider than the BFG you have chosen. Then this great toy can unleash its full potential.

Detail of BFG’s Textured Glans

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. Depending on the size and features, the Centaur costs between $124.95 and $164.90, the Plumber between $109.95 and $174.90 and finally the BFG between $149.95 and $184.90. Custom colors costs $29.95, custom firmness $15.95.

Nick Capra, Lampwick & El Rey

Toy Properties

Form: Dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors:
Sokatik Natural Tan, Deep Brown and Black
Custom colors possible
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Mr Hankey’s

After the Anal Toy Special this spring, I have gotten over a hundred messages from you, complaining that I never talk about realistic dildos. Since I always try to satisfy your thirst, I reached out to one of the best realistic dildo makers on the planet to give you this threesome review.

Construction

Like all toys in this anal toy special, Mr Hankey manufactures its toy out of platinum silicone. Platinum silicone is a premium, more expensive material than other kinds of silicone which for example use tin as a catalyst to cure the silicone. This means all Mr Hankey toys are 100% body safe, highly resistant towards acid and heat and with the super-smooth surface leave little possibilities for bacteria to linger and are easy to clean. I usually put my toys in hot water with dish soap and sanitize them afterwards for good measure. This is a quick and easy way to get the toys clean and sterile again between partners at a play party. But you can also throw them in the dishwasher or autoclave them. In order to keep the surface in this condition, never use silicone based or hybrid lube with silicone toys because they will disintegrate the surface. Water and oil based lube are safe to be used with silicone toys.

From Left to Right: The Mr Hankey’s Toys Nick Capra, Lampwick & El Ray

Silicone is a material that can be colored easily and which color does not fade over time. As standard colors Mr Hankey’s only offers their dildos in black, natural tan or deep brown. However, for $29.95 you can get custom coloring, mostly duo-tone fades like I got on my Nick Capra and Lampwick but other designs are possible. It is a bit of an investment but since these toys are cheap, I recommend customizing them for this small fee because they turn out gorgeous and make your toy a bit of your own! If you need inspiration, browse Mr Hankey’s Twitter feed.

Firmness-wise you also get only two choice. First there is Medium which is a bit firmer, about the firmness of a rock-hard dick. If you are a texture junkie like me, you definitely want to go this way because it makes every ridge and vein very noticeable! 75% firmness is a bit softer. It turns the texture into tantalizing massage spots and thus is more recommended for the novice. A word of advice though: Especially on longer and thinner toys, 75% firmness can be a bit too soft so the toy can collapse when riding it. Mr Hankey’s Toys does offer custom firmness if you want the toys smoother or firmer. I have not tried that service but I would only recommend it for their fantasy toys. In my testee panel none wished for firmer or softer option than the two available on realistic dildos. For only $4.95 a Vac-U-Loc hole can be added to every toy. Originally designed to attach the toy to fuck machines, there are a number of nifty accessories out there for this kind of system: Handles, Strap-On harnesses, suction cups and double-dildo connectors. Because of this I highly recommend adding this inexpensive feature to your toy. There are just too many useful scenarios along the way to go cheap on this one.

Detail of the Nick Capra’s Base with a Vac-U-Lock Hole and the Link to his OnlyFans’s Page. Future Generations will Wonder what this will have meant…

As already said in the introduction, all three toys in this review are realistic toys. The closest to this definition comes the Nick Capra which was cast off the life dick of the porn star. It starts out with a very prominent yet nicely tapered glans which has a very prominent rim with a steep drop below. The shaft is very unevenly textured: Almost no veins on top and some very subtle ones on the back. After the glans drop the shaft tappers gradually towards the balls.

The Lampwick starts out very similar with a nicely shaped glans for easy entry and a very distinct drop below the rim. This is where the similarities start: The shaft is heavily textured with veins and a thick ventral groove but in exchange does not noticeable increase in diameter. In relation to the diameter, the Lampwick is a very long toy, almost prone towards depth play in 75% Firmness (as a texture junkie I of course chose Medium firmness ;)). The balls merge into a solid and thick base.

Detail of the El Ray’s Glans

The final member of this ménage à trios is called El Ray and it is the only uncut guy of this bunch. Finally an uncut realistic dildo! Being uncut myself and favoring uncut dicks with my play partners, I love seeing this feature on a dildo. Naturally this makes the tip of the dick a bit more challenging. The rock hard, straight up shaft has caused the foreskin to retract a bit, exposing about a third of the glans which could make for an easy insertion – if there wasn’t the small, steep rim of the foreskin as a first bump. Once you have taken that, there is the glans rim. Being covered by foreskin, the drop is smoother than on the other two but the bump is thicker. Below the glans the shaft diameter increases gradually to reach is maximum diameter at about a third of the shaft and then tappers softly towards the round base.

Toy Size Diameter Glans Rim Diameter Shaft Middle Diameter Above Balls Insertable Length
Nick Capra Original 48mm 58mm 58mm 170mm
Medium 57mm 70mm 71mm 203mm
LG/ XL 71mm 87mm 89mm 254mm
XXL 82mm 101mm 102mm 292mm
Lampwick S 40mm 45mm 47mm 178mm
M 59mm 63mm 65mm 254mm
LG/ XL 69mm 73mm 75mm 296mm
XXXL 75mm 83mm 85mm 325mm
El Ray M 59mm 71mm 65mm 279mm
L 64mm 77m 71mm 311mm
XL 71mm 85mm 79mm 330mm
XXL 77mm 91mm 85mm 356mm

Detail of Nick Capra’s Softly Tappering Shaft

Playing with the Nick Capra, Lampwick & El Ray

Let’s start out with the Nick Capra, because ever since I posted the first pic of this toy on my Twitter feed, I have gotten the most questions about this dildo. Maybe because of his large fan base… As already written above the glans is easy to take with a sudden drop. Especially in medium firmness and for the novice this might come as a surprise and will make taking out the toy after you have come a bit of a challenge. For the more seasons anal player, the ridge on top of the glans rim is perfect for massaging the sphincter and with a bit of practice to stimulate the prostate.

The glans’ cliff should not discourage the novices among you because the shaft is actually ideal for girth training. The increase in diameter is so gradual and smooth that in combination with the subtle texturing and the lack of a noticeable ventral groove the stretch is almost the only sensation felt when riding the Nick Capra. The low-hanging balls are also realistically sculptured. Though they are a bit soft and through the thin neck give in easily, they are good to hold onto for solo play if you chose not to get the Vac-U-Lock hole with a handle.

Detail of the Lampick’s Heavy Texture and Thick Base

While the Nick Capra is a good toy for stretch beginners, especially the ones who want to get into sphincter and prostate play, the Lampwick is made for loose holes. Even if the diameter fits on paper with  a plug, the thick veins make taking this toys a bit of a struggle which the stimulation of the sphincter can have ecstatic effects. Slowly ride the toy to massage the sphincter and in the right angle the prostate, twist it for the deep ventral groove to target the prostate or piston fuck the bottom’s hole to torment and tire it out. I had the opportunity to play with a friend’s 75% firmness LG/XL and directly compare it to mine. And yes, the heavy texture is felt less intensely. But if you can just barely fit the maximum diameter, it still will be an uncomfortable ride. But if you are into extreme stimulation of the many nerve endings inside the anus like I am, take a look at the Lampwick in Medium!

One of my testees is really experienced in depth play (and he has a favorable anatomy). He was able to take the Lampwick completely with a lot of lube and a lot of poppers. He said that the pop of the glans through his second sphincter was probably one of the most intense experiences he ever had and twisting the rugged shaft inside his two sphincters lead to noises I have never heard from him. As demonstrate, it is possible to take a Medium firmness Lampwick deep, I advise even more caution than with usual depth play and would actually say, if you want to take this dildo deep, go for the 75% firmness option.

The Three Standard Color Options: Natuarl Tan, Deep Brown and Black

Due to the thick and wide base into which the balls flow, the Lampwick has a very good sturdiness. Even when riding it vigorously on your own, none of my testess had problems with the base slipping away. The base is also big and grippy enough, to allow for a top to hold and control the dildo comfortably when fucking a bottom with it. It only falls short when you want to fuck yourself with it. It is a bit cumbersome for that; I recommend a Vac-U-Lock handle in that szenario.

Last but definitely not least of this happy bunch is the El Ray. This toy was reason to much discussion in my testee panel. We all like the El Ray. The shape with the maximum diameter fairly far up at the shaft makes for an interesting experience: Once conquered, the toys is getting sucked into the ass. Usually when taking a toy out, it is getting easier the further out it goes. But with the El Ray, the diameter increases again, before you can rest. This is a very interesting and mind fucking experience.  The diameter increase is so gradual and smooth that in combination with the almost untextured surface it just feels not like a normal dildo. You cannot pinpoint it, it is just reverse and that makes it hot – especially when you are into the stretch sensations.

Detail of El Ray’s Relatively Smooth Shaft with the Maximum Diameter at the First Third of it

This very subtle increase in diameter at the top half of a dildo makes it also a good training toy for girth training. It gently massages the hole loose and open over time without have to go too deep. BUT: The glans with the foreskin half pulled over makes the initial taking of the dildo challenging for novices. Ever the experienced holes in my testee panel needed some prestretching and loosening up before the El Ray could easily enter. After this point, the gentle ridges the foreskin  created nicely massage the anus. But getting there takes some prep work. So since even the smaller sizes of the El Ray are already on the larger end of the experience spectrum, it is a toy for the more experienced anal pig.

Where to buy?

Mr Hankey sells their toys directly through their website. This is the best way to get them when you want to customize them even further. They also run promotions on a regular basis so check their page regular to snatch a bargain. Depending on the size and features, the Nick Capra costs between $129.95 and $233.90, the Lampwick between $129.95 and $229.90 and finally the El Ray between $139.95 and $194.90. Custom colors costs $29.95, custom firmness $15.95.

Latin Lover

Toy Properties

Form: Realistic dildo
Material: Platinum Silicone.
Colors: Skin Color, Dark Brown & Black
Firmness: Soft to Medium, custom degrees possible
Lube: Water, Oil
Cleaning: Soaking in hot water with dish-soap than use sanitizer.
Safer Sex: Clean and sanitize it thoroughly
Storage: Store in a well-ventilated place not touching other toys to prevent damage.

Vendor: Clonezone

Construction

The Latin Lover is a realistic dildo with balls and a small base. Inside this base is a hole for a Vac-U-Lock adapter. For this review, Clonezone sent me the size S out of the 4 possible ones. The dildo has a maximum diameter of 60mm just at the glans’ rim and 52mm just above the balls. The usable length (unlike you can and want to take the balls) is 162mm and the overall length a handy 215mm.

The Mr Hankey Toys Latin Lover

Like all Mr Hankey toys, the Latin Lover is made out of platinum silicone. The “platinum” in the name refers to the catalyst used to cure the silicone. Unlike other metals used like tin which is often used for cheap silicone, platinum is hypoallergenic and doesn’t cause adverse effect inside the body. But platinum is not only hypo-allergenic but it makes the silicone resistant towards heat and acid and the surface super-smooth. Because of that, the Latin Lover is easy to clean: You can throw it into hot water, add acid for sanitizing or autoclave it. Due to being so easy to clean and sanitize, platinum silicone toys are perfect for playing with multiple partners in a safe way. Just quickly yet thoroughly clean and sanitize them between deployments and you are ready to go again.

Detail of the Vac-U-Lock Hole in the Base

The Latin Lover falls in the category of a realistic dildo. It starts out with a glans which is molded with great attention to detail. Even the meatus is recreated. Below the rim of the cut head there is a little groove until the shaft begins. From the frenulum a very prominent ventral groove dominates the backside of the dildo almost all the way down to the balls. The entire shaft is covered with subtle veins and small ridges just like skin stretching over the cavernous bodies. At the bottom of the shaft, there is a pair of medium size and somewhat tight balls. It looks like the dick and the balls are a bit tied up because there is a thin ridge running around the shaft base, the balls and the penis root.

Detail of the Veiny Texture of the Shaft

Playing with the Latin Lover

To be blunt: At first sight the Latin Lover is a standard, middle of the road realistic dildo a bit on the larger size due to the 60mm diameter on the tip. But with a bit of training, loads of lube and maybe a plug for pre-stretching, the soft, forgiving material will make an insertion pleasurable. So the Latin Lover is ideal when you want to fuck yourself or pleasure a partner – especially through the Vac-U-Lock hole at the bottom. The balls are very decently sized for a firm grip but especially for piston style fucking or self-play, getting a grip with a Vac-U-Lock adapter makes handling of the dildo easier. For riding it, I highly recommend a suction cup with such an adapter. Naturally, this feature predestine the Latin Lover for all people into strap-on play.

Detail of the Realistic Glans

So much for the boring part. Now why pay a relatively high price for a kind of toy which can be purchased for a fraction of the price? It is all in the details. The high quality material is not only easy to clean but in combination with the painstaking attention to detail of the shaft design, the Latin Lover is almost indistinguishable from a real dick. If before play you let it soak in a bit of warm water, it will take on the temperature and feel even more like a human dick.

Detail of the Ventral Groove

But this website would not be ToyTorture.com if the Latin Lover would not have a little kinky trick up its sleeve: The ventral groove. This ridge is way thicker and broader than on a “normal” human dick. Then you twist and turn the Latin Lover while fucking a hole, it intensely massage the sphincter and seducing it to open up for larger toys. This effect is the greatest when the sphincter is around the middle of the shaft targets because the ridge is the highest there. This elevation also focuses the friction sensation and the pressure on the ridge a bit. A skilled prostate milking top in my testee panel noticed that with a bit of targeting practice he could fuck a prostate orgasm out of his subs using the ventral groove.

Where to buy?

The Latin Lover can be bought at Clonezone for £125.99 for the size S featured in this review up to £215.99 for the whopping XL.