Tenderizer Wooden Paddle

The Tenderizer Paddle

Vendor: Regulation

Construction

Like many paddles, the paddle’s body has an obround shape that flows into the handle. The body is 90mm wide and 160mm long. While one side is smooth, the other is textured with 9x9mm pyramids that are 4.5mm tall. The handle’s grip area is 115mm long and 33mm wide. At the bottom of the toy the handle flows into a little bulge for a secure grip even in heavy scenes. In the middle of this bulge there is a small hole for a brown leather thread that forms a loop, either for storing the toy or securing it around the top’s wrist.

All edges on this toy have been painstakingly rounded so the toy lies and feels great in the hand. It is made out of a medium brown, light wood. The surface has been carefully sanded yet you can still see and feel a bit of the wood’s grain. To increase this effect the Tenderizer has no clear coating like other wooden impact toys but has been oiled for beautiful, rich and natural surface texture. At 185g the paddle is quite light for a wooden paddle. This is lighter than all aluminum paddles in my collection…

Detail of the Textured Paddle Side

Playing with the Tenderizer Wooden Paddle

… and you can feel that! The pain sensation leans heavily towards sting. The product description promises thud when using the plain side. When lightly tapping and carefully warming up an impact area, there is a bit of light thud. But as soon as you are spanking light you are meaning it, this sensation quickly turns into lightning sharp sting! Hitting completely parallel to the body and with exactly the same force, this side is actually stingier than the textured one.

Like with all textured impact toys, finely dosing the kinetic energy is key to unlocking the true potential of this toy. This starts with sensation play by letting the toy travel over the sub’s body. With almost no pressure, the slight stickiness and abrasion creates a very faint scratching and tingling sensation that depending on the sub will give him goose bumps or send them into a laughing fit. Increasing the pressure can end up with a serious scratching sensation without breaking the skin but maybe some red marks.

The well rounded handle with the Leather Loop

When switching to swinging and hitting, keep in mind that the textured side is not made for warm-up; use the plain one for that. With light to medium tapping the little spikes create a tingling sting. As written above, I was surprised by the intensity of heavier blows. Usually texture on impact toys increases the pain sensation because the air between the paddle and the skin forms a dampening cushion that can escape between the texture’s gaps. Surprisingly this effect is compensated by the material properties of wood: The pyramid tips have rather rounded and flattish tips so the sting is moderated. Until you start to move the paddle in the impact moment. Dragging the texture over the skin while the kinetic energy drives it into the body is stingy! Add to that the “coarse” wood and you have a devilish combination many of my pain pigs enjoy.

The smooth backside of the paddle

One word of warning when playing heavily with this toy: Wood is a higher maintenance material than rubber and aluminum. It is hard to sanitize because it absorbs a bit of the tissue fluid and since it has no clear coating, blood will stain it. So if you play really hard, do not only spray a sanitizer on it but let it lay in the sun for a few days before using it on someone else (alternative: use a UV sanitizer some of you might have bought during the Covid crisis). To keep the paddle as beautiful as it is, I recommend oiling it with olive oil (or a wood oil of your choice) every 6 to 12 months depending on how often you use it. This might alter the wood color and give the toy patina but ultimately it will turn a random paddle into YOUR paddle.

That being said at least for me the feeling of warm, grainy wood in the hand makes up for this work. The handle feels and fits like worry stone. For me as a top there is something sensual in holding a beautiful made, open-grain piece of wood in my hand and playing with it.